Gravity

Chapter 6.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" - Zayan Zohair, Gravity.

Chapter 6.

 

☻Safa Muhammad ☻

At breakfast the next morning, I was quiet as usual. Hammad kept nudging me every now and then, to ask me if he should bring up the marriage topic or not. I, since I had now changed my mind, shook my head every time.

"Harris and his family called us down for dinner tonight", baba announced. I knew what was coming next.

"So Safa, what do I answer him?" he said. He almost sounded like he would harm me if I said no. Instead, I looked down and kept eating my bread.

"Safa, should I tell him yes and that we can get ready for the engagement event?" baba asked and I looked at him again. I then looked at mama who had a hopeful look. I didn't want to disappoint that look so I sighed and slowly nodded.

"Yes baba, you should say that", I said. My dad suddenly smiled. "Really? So you're ready to marry Omar?" he asked. I took a deep breathe but I couldn't get myself to nod again. My whole future was just a single nod away. But even then it was too late. Baba had already gotten his hopes up and even mama was smiling.

"Yes I am", I replied politely. I didn't want to eat anything after that.

"Safa this is a great news. I'm so happy, thankyou sweety", he said. I forced a smile and looked back down at my half-eaten toast. I had to keep reminding myself I was doing it for grandfather, to keep myself from misbehaving or doing anything that would show them I was misbehaving. But I still was uncomfortable. So making up an excuse about going to University, I got up from my chair and went back in my room. I sat down on my bed. I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. I wanted to slam everything on the wall and throw away all my belongings. I wanted to rip my hair out of my head and I just wanted to bury myself up in the sand. I could no longer say I was being forced, because mama had left the final decision to me. It was now my decision to marry Omar and no one was forcing me. But I was still angry at everything. It's like my nice and polite side was fighting with my ego. And the ego inside me wanted me to scratch my whole body until blood started dripping. I layed down and closed my eyes. I couldn't be mad at baba or anybody else anymore. I could not share my frustration or anger with anyone. This was worst that before. Why was I always the one losing?

I would have never agreed to marry Omar if mama didn't remind me of how much I loved grandpa. He was my bestfriend. Every summer, he used to take me to the community park, and let me play there until the sun started to set. He always bought me anything I wanted. One winter afternoon, he was sick with high fever and severe cough. That was the beginning of his lung cancer. I insisted on him taking me to the nearby store to buy me potato chips. He was weak and pale, but he somehow managed to get up and walk. And he bought me those chips, even when he could barely talk or walk. My grandpa always gave me priority over his illness and pain, so why couldn't I give his last wish priority over my ego? I opened my eyes again and sat back up. I was doing it for my grandfather. Allah would reward me in the hereafter, as well as in this world.

If I was doing it for grandpa, I decided to be as cheerful and happy as someone who's marrying the love of her life. My grandfather wouldn't want me sad on my wedding day, would he?

There was a soft knock on my door and in walked Hammad. He didn't look very happy. He sat down on the couch and stared at me.

"What?" I said. He looked down and shook his head like he was disappointed.

"Why did you agree?" he finally said. I smiled. "Why does it bother you?" I asked. He rolled his eyes. "I'm your brother and it shouldn't bother me?"  he said. He almost looked angry, yet he wasnt. It was as if he was irritated about something.