growing wings | Completed

10. in between sidelines

     my mother has a warm smile, and a kind heart,

     my father is a strong willed man, with determination strong as steel.

     why had i been born with none of these abilities, do i not get to take part?

     this wishing is futile, and i am ungrateful for what i am, so for now, right here, i kneel.

     i would love to destroy myself, slowly,

     but i also want to live long, a life worth spent.

     i would love to inhale and exhale honesty, cleanse my lungs wholly,

     but i also want to be awful, my fingers trembling as they hold the letter of intent.

     i would have written something along the lines, 

     "my name is help, i am supposed to have given you advice.

     i am to guide you through you the hoops of life, at the right price,

     but how am i to help you when my soul has caught on fire, in between sidelines."

     but gripping this thin paper, within the grasp of my shaking dirty hands,

     it will be going nowhere, and to be stashed underneath my bed, where it is dark, something i have grown accustomed to.

      if my mother is to find this, or even my father, i hope she understands.

      i can imagine their knees hitting the floor, and fear infecting their hearts, as it grew.

     because i know for a fact, that is not what i had written in the white sheets of dead wood,

     it was not written along those lines.

     but i think you can imagine.

- in between sidelines