growing wings | Completed

19. silent lullaby

      there is a silent lullaby humming underneath my tongue,

      vibrating in my throat, and igniting a flame that had kept lit until i was born.

      is it wrong to wish that maybe, just maybe, i was the mistake?

      so, dear friend, do not tell me that you understand,

      that you empathize, that you feel for me. don't you dare.

       my mother's beating heart had come to a stop because of me.

      you do not know if she would have loved me, and neither do i,

      yet i can say with confidence, and gold in my eyes, that she wouldn't have.

      for what i am today is self-destructive and toxic to others.

      i am what the soldiers had fallen to.

      i am what hides underneath the bed at night.

      i am what takes away your minds control, and twists it to insanity.

      i am death. i am suicide.

      and when i think like that, maybe, she might have been concerned for me too,

      for my mother has passed and my cruel mind blames me for something i have no control over.

       oh, the irony.

- silent lullaby