35. the way i am

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      it is 4 am.

       sweat clings to my forehead.

          panic races my heartbeat and the air is humid with fear.


      shaking hands,

          worried eyes searching for a sign,

               why am i the way i am?


      i wish,

         i were not the way i am,

             i wish i could rearrange my atoms to make something beautiful.


       eyes downcast,

            tears like warm, rare rivers of the tundra,

                   my body is a landscape that has suffered through many wars.

- the way i am

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