F.A.F // H2OVanoss [Completed]

Chapter 35

It wasn't even lunch, yet Evan couldn't stand being there. Hell, he hadn't even made it through one period before he had stood up from his desk and requested to use the restroom. As he left the room, he could feel nearly everyone's eyes burning into his back, so he hurried out of the room before his anxiety got the best of him.

Needless to say, he drove himself off track of the restroom, wandering aimlessly through the halls for a few minutes just to clear his head. Eventually, he ended up in the washroom, splashing some cool water on his face and doing a few breathing exercises to relax.

"You're fine. Just don't think about it, don't think about him" He whispered to himself before leaving, walking back to class with his hands shoved in his pockets. "Evan, you're going to be fine." He said silently to himself as he slipped back into class. Kids watched him as he went back to his seat, pull out his headphones and turn on music so that he could try to escape his thoughts, just for a second, that's all he wanted. He wanted to feel nothing, like that one day in freshman year.

Evan wanted to go to a party, get drunk off his ass and not care about who's bed he ended up in the next day, but memories of Saturday night kept appearing, ruining his coping mechanisms, ruining his only somewhat healthy way of keeping his stress at bay. He could only be sad for so long before he had to go back to faking, to being happy even if he wasn't.

It didn't matter how many people smiled at him everyday, how many people supported him, how many times people told him that it wasn't his fault, he'd never believe it. Everything would always lead back to him and his decisions, showing him that he didn't deserve the happiness that everyone keeps thinking that he has. All he's doing is faking everything, after all the progress he had made, he ended up right back at his starting point.

Lunch was just a few minutes away, Evan just had to make it a few more minutes as he sat at his desk, everything he owned was packed away in his backpack while his head rested against the desk. Jonathan sat across from him, and Evan couldn't take it. His thoughts wandered, and it scared him, making him want to leave the class even though he knew it would cause a scene. It had been two weeks, he's been faking that he's over it, but he isn't.

Evan can barely speak to Tyler anymore, and he's scared that someone will notice how scared he is of his own best friend. How scared that they're gonna end up in a room together and Evan is going to be too weak to stop him. Just like last time, he was weak, and Tyler knew that, so he took advantage.

What did he ever do to deserve this? Evan was a nice person, he had a good heart, had never helped anyone cheat on someone. Had never ruined someone's life. Had never disrespected an adult. Then why was he forced to suffer? Why did the people around him want to hurt him? Why did his own thoughts want him to suffer?

The bell rang, and Evan forced himself to leave the room calmly before found an empty restroom, locking himself in the handicap stall and dropping his bag onto the ground as he slid down the wall, hugging his knees to his chest as panic washed over him. He wasn't good enough, everyone knew he was faking, he would never be good enough. He would just never be enough, he wanted to be enough.

His breathing was abnormal, shallow and coming in spurts at a time, his thoughts growing closer to his dark place, the place of bad thoughts. He couldn't stay there, he had to get back to lunch before his friends went looking for him, they couldn't come looking for him, because then they would know. Then they would try to help, and Evan didn't want to be helped, he didn't deserve it. No one should help the fuckboy, they should just leave him to rot in his own thoughts.

A few more moments of misery and he was picking himself and his bag off the ground, still shaking since he wasn't fully recovered, he hadn't even fully broken down. He washed his hands, drying them off and leaving, his destination in mind was the cafeteria. He had to sit next to Tyler, to not draw suspicion, to not let anyone know that something was wrong with him. Nothing was wrong with Evan, this is what he deserved. He deserved it.

"Hey, Evan!" He freezes at the sound of the voice that calls behind him, he's scared to turn around. A hand grips his shoulder, and he's spun around and forced to face Jonathan. Evan doesn't meet his eyes, knowing what trouble lies there. "I know you hate me, but I really need to tell you something-"

"Leave him alone, asshole!" Chase comes out of nowhere, marching up to the two and interrupting the one-sided conversation. He glared at Jonathan. "You can't do something like that to a person and expect to be forgiven." He turns to Evan. "You can go, dude." All Evan can do is nod and turn around, entering the cafeteria and walking over to his usual table, head hung low as he sat down, not caring where he was and not even noticing that he had subconsciously avoided Tyler as he sat next to Craig. He ignored questions and put his head down, sick of everything that had happened during his day so far.

The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch and Evan finds himself walking home instead of to his next class.