F.A.F // H2OVanoss [Completed]

Chapter 38

shameless promo just to let you know i made the instagram account, can't guarantee how often I'll post but hopefully I've posted a bit by the time I post this? (user is chaolypticcrticism) (also disclaimer I'll try to make it look good and not like the steaming pile of garbage known as my personal account even though I'll give up half way through and ruin it)

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Tyler loved to ruin him, he had decided as he sat in the back of the school building, completely alone and avoiding all contact with his friends. The thought of Craig literally hating his guts was too much for him to handle, causing him to avoid the boy entirely by ditching lunch. He was so hungry all the time, his thoughts not letting him eat because he would just get more anxious. Like right now, he was anxious to go see his friend, he had even turned off his phone, too anxious to see more messages. Evan was hurting himself, he knew this, but he couldn't stop, not now.

It was a week until they had to turn in their English projects, and that brought on enough stress as it was. He hadn't spoken to Jonathan at all, he had just written a few mediocre poems whenever he couldn't sleep and emailed them to him to avoid all contact. His individual essay was a train-wreck, and he couldn't bring himself to write it, knowing he would end up finishing it at the last second, because writing it meant revisiting his memories. His dark, self-destructive memories that would make his dark place darker. He didn't like procrastination, it gave him anxiety, more than he already had, but the essay was haunting him. Evan just wanted it done, it would be so much better if it was done but writing that essay meant falling in love all over again, it meant heartache would crash on top of him all over again. What little progress he had made would be gone and he couldn't lose that progress, it helped him. Even if that help was in a small amount.

What could Tyler have told Craig to make him hate him? Evan didn't want to go to the party, he was sick of parties and one night stands and alcohol, he didn't want to go. All of his coping mechanisms had been ruined because of Tyler, it all led back to Tyler.

A party would make him more unstable than he already was, he would be even more on edge, his thoughts would hurt him more than usual. Tyler, he would do something to him, he knew that he would, and that scared him, Evan didn't like being scared, he didn't like how his emotions were getting harder to fake. He felt like he was being ripped apart, because he couldn't be the Evan that everyone wanted him to be, and he scared himself with that thought.

Evan missed his friends, he missed when they would be there for him no matter what, when he had no doubt of their friendship. When he knew that the relationship he had with them wasn't based on lies and malice. He missed pizza parties and sleepovers where he didn't have to worry about their parents, he missed before he had found alcohol and learned to fake his smiles and emotions. Evan missed before his anxiety got so bad and his depression was milder, he missed when his life was bearable, when it was a decent life that some unfortunate soul would be jealous of.

Tyler had told him earlier that the party was actually next weekend because Chase mixed up the days that his parents were going on vacation, it made Evan think of his parents and how it always seemed like his mom was on vacation. His dad, well, he wish he knew where he was, he hoped he was living a better life than Evan.

He turns on his phone, giving in after being unable to be alone with his thoughts any longer, even though it was just a device, Evan felt comforted as the screen lit up with life. There was a message from his mother, he opened it up with no hesitation.

Mom: good news, Ev!!! A couple more weeks and then I'll be home for a month!!! Can't wait to spend time with you, sweetie!!!

Evan smiled to himself as he read the message, a real, genuine smile because he would see his mother again in just a couple of weeks.

Just a couple of weeks, meaning it would be after the party, that Evan would most likely have taken another hit to his mental state. A couple of weeks seemed so far away, he wanted it to be now. But, that's all he needed to last, just a couple of weeks, his mom would be there for his graduation. He could graduate, then he would never have to see anyone ever again, he could disappear, that was the plan. A few colleges had accepted him, he could choose one and never look back on his high-school days. Just a couple more weeks, and then it's all over. If he even lasted that long.

His three new gashes throbbed with fresh pain underneath his sleeve, covered with a few layers of tightly wrapped bandages. The small comfort he had from his mother's text message still clung to him desperately as he felt anxieties tug at him, insecurities and fears flooding him as he realized that he was still in the back of the school. He still couldn't face Craig or any of his other friends, especially not Tyler. But that wouldn't fix the fact that he still had to go to that party because Tyler was making him, now he knew why. It couldn't have been coincidence that the drink Tyler had given to him at the last party had been drugged, it couldn't have been, not after Evan can distinctly remember feeling somewhat familiar feelings of knowing what had been going on, but not entirely sure at the same time. How his world had blurred and fear had sprouted at the bottom of his stomach, vines crawling up his throat as Tyler hovered over him, barely a drop of alcohol in his veins. Evan screwed his eyes shut, knees pressed so tightly against his chest he almost certain that there would be a bruise there later as the memories haunted his mind as they so often had been lately.

His phone vibrated besides him.

Tyler: Evan? Are you okay? I haven't seen you all day, we didn't even talk during first, you're here right?

Evan did what he did best, lie.

Evan: I woke up with a headache, I stayed home today

Tyler: why didn't you tell me?

Evan: im not obligated to tell you everything

Tyler: im just trying to help you evan

Evan: well your help sucks so fuck off

Tyler: dont talk to me like that Evan im your best friend

Evan: are you? I couldn't tell

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Jonathan: Hey, are you okay? I know we broke up, but you seem so sad and broken down and I just wanted to talk

!Message has failed to send!

Jonathan: no, no you didn't block me thats not like you

!Message has failed to send!

Jonathan: evan whats wrong

!Message has failed to send!

Jonathan: evan please i really want to explain what happened, please believe me

!Message has failed to send!

Jonathan: no one will let me talk to you

!Message has failed to send!

Jonathan: i know youre hurting evan

!Message has failed to send!

Jonathan: im sorry for hurting you, Evan, and you'll never read this because I know that Tyler probably blocked my number to make me seem like an asshole and so I'll never tell you the truth about what happened at the theater but I .hope you know i care about you and i hope you're taking care of yourself and that the breakup was the only thing that's hurting you. I wish i could be there for you, but no one will let me be near you, especially not Tyler

!Message has failed to send!

Jonathan: please tell me you're okay, i need the universe to give me a sign about how you're feeling and doing and if you're well or not

!Message has failed to send!

Jonathan: Luke convinced me to go to Chase's party btw, i probably won't see you there but i believe in the universe and that one day I'll make things right.

!Message has failed to send!