One of us - Nichorello

5. Last forever

<Lorna's POV>

I was sitting on the bathroom floor, crying about the hurtful words Nicky had just spoken. It wasn't the words itself that had hurt me; it was the truth behind it. Looking back at the last few years at this school, I knew that I had been a bitch, making fun of nerds, laughing at their looks, bath-mouthing their style. Nicky saying the truth wasn't a wake up call for me, it was more of a confirmation of my horrible choices.
I knew that my actions didn't reflect my true personality, I wasn't like Brittney or Piper; I didn't seek popularity, status or a high reputation. I didn't treat people badly because I was mean, or it was fun; when I did those things I felt horrible. In reality, I was trying to hide my weakness, my fear of being alone, being scared of loneliness; that was the ugly truth. And thinking about it, it explained everything. My goal to become captain of the wasn't because I had the true desire to become one; it was the reassurement of having friends, so that I wasn't alone. I wasn't seeking for the position as team captain, I was looking for more friends.

Allowing Piper, my best friend, to still be friends with Brittney after being such a betrayer, wasn't what I wanted. A true friend should have seen the pain I was in, the true colors of Brittney, behind the flawless mask of innocence she was wearing. A real friend would stick with me and should have defended me in such horrible times; but still every time I allowed Piper to spend more and more time with her. Not because I didn't care if they spent time with her, but because I was afraid that Piper would choose her over me if I forced her to decide.

Or the reason why I was with Christopher. We have been together for quite a while and in the beginning, I always felt happy in his presence, but meanwhile I spent time with him, not feeling a thing. No butterflies in my stomach, not the usual excitement you feel when you see somebody you love. It had turned into a routine, a habit to spend time with him, not really feeling the love towards him that I should feel.

I wasn't truthfully a bad person, I just was afraid to not be loved.

In order to avoid loneliness, I had treated so many people badly, I was in a relationship where I wasn't happy and I couldn't think of anybody who I could call a true friend. Questioning who I actually really loved and admired, there was only one girl that came to my mind: Nicky. Although I was craving her attention so bad, I knew that she hated me, or my personality. She had caused me to face the ugly truth, confronting me with all these devastating facts, showing me how she felt towards me. Realizing that Nicky probably hated me, I started sobbing even harder.

Speaking of the devil, I heard footsteps coming over and soon the door opened. Of course, it had to be Nicky. Normally I would have been embarassed by someone seeing me in such bad case, but at this point, I didn't care anymore. I expected her to turn away, maybe say something mean or arrogant to hurt me even more, but she stayed. She stepped into the stall, closing the door behind her and kneeling in front of me. Through all the tears, blurrying my vision I couldn't see her clearly, but it was enough to tell that she looked sad too. She tucked the strands of hair behind my ears, failing as they were to short and fell back, brushing against my cheekbone. Her eyes were filled with concern as she wiped my tears from my cheeks with her fingers.

„I really am sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it," she mumbled.

„You don't need to lie, I know that you're right"
She meant those words she spoke, she believed in them and she knew that I did too. Nothing could undo the pain those words hade done.

„You don't need to stay"

I knew that a girl like Nicky didn't want to spend her time with me, she would stand up and leave me, pretend like this never happened. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, hoping that it would be less awkward for her when she left. But instead of hearing steps, she sat down next to me, our shoulders slightly resting against each other.

After a few minutes; my breathing slowed down, my vision cleared up and I began to realize that I was sitting here on the bathroom floor of our school with a member of the gang, who I didn't even know, and yet I couldn't remember the last time I felt this happy and understood. And for no reason, I began to smile.

„I'm really sorry, I usually don't cry a lot; You must think that I'm weak," I whispered, a bit embarrassed.

„People don't cry because they're weak, they cry because they've been strong for too long"

If you could fall in love with words or conversations, I am falling in love right now. Her words had such sincerity that it completely overwhelmed me.

"So what's your secret?" I asked curiously. She was intrigued by my weird question, I could tell.

"I don't have one"
"Come on, your part of the gang, your one of the cool kids and yet your spending your time on the bathroom floor, giving extremely wise advice to a girl you barely know."

She grinned amused by my response.
"You think that I'm wise?"
"That's not the point," I chuckled and nudged her lightly.
"Okay, okay... I guess I'm just looking for an adventure"
"In the girls restroom of a school?" I grinned at her, loving this conversational provocation.

"Sometimes the greatest adventure is simply a conversation," she tilted her head and our eyes met. Lost in the beautiful brown of her eyes, I should have known by the happiness I felt that I was in deep trouble. But the thing about falling in love is that it's like falling asleep, first slowly and then all at once.