<Nicky's POV>
"How many days has it been?" Vause asked. Grinning at me in an evil way. I don't know if she was laughing at my misery, at the dumbness of my decision or at the ridiculousness of this promise in general.
I glanced over at the clock, 4 days 4 hours and 31 minutes. Never had I been this desperate for something. Never had I gone this crazy over some craving. This morning, the world started to talk to me. Not in a good way, when people are the chosen ones and they have some magical superpowers. That's bullshit.
Today, things actually started talking to me. The walls of my bedroom began spinning around me, making my nausea even worse. Feeling it all happen again, I hastily answered Vause's question.
"Almost a week"
"Why the fuck are you doing this again?" Boo asked, frowning at my desperation. She proved her value as my friend yesterday when she started smoking a joint right in front of me. Looking at her inhaling the smoke was pure torture.
Vause cleared her throat, reminding me of the question which I hadn't answered.
"I can't remember. Why the fuck did I agree to this shit?!" I clenched my fists angry at the effects of crushing on somebody. Do people usually do impossible things for the people they love?
"The best thing is," I continued "she is still with fuckin' Christopher. I am doing this for nothing!"
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I hated Mondays. I mean who doesn't? The weekend is over, you have a ton of work ahead of you and the weekend seems to be further away than Christmas.
"Does everyone have their homework assignment from last week?" Mr.Healy glanced at me, knowing that I didn't have my homework with me "for those of you who don't, I will see you in detention later. And yes, I mean you, Nicole."
I slammed my fist on the desk, restraining me from actually strangling him. I squinted my eyes and broke my death stare at Mr. Healy and returned to my usual occupation during class. Staring outside the window. The sky had turned grey, the rain loudly pouring on the window of our classroom. The weather was matching my mood, making me feel even more miserable. I saw Logan winking at me as he pulled out a joint, offering it to me. I shook my head, keeping my promise. My head turned towards Lorna, whom I would stare at most of the time. Her legs were crossed over, causing her skirt to inch up her thigh a bit. Her eyes were focussed on Mr.Healy, who was talking about the impact of language on human behavior.
I felt the disappointment creep up in me as I realized that she wasn't even noticing my presence. Today she hadn't greeted me as usual, when she would welcome me every day into her arms, allowing me to wrap my arms around her tiny body. This morning she rushed by, without acknowledging me, practically staring at the ground.
Logan cleared his throat, hoping to get my attention. He passed me a note, smiling at me encouragingly. I looked around carefully and opened it under my desk.
Follow your heart
Underneath he had stuck a joint to the paper. I felt the tingling in my hand as I gently ran my hand over the rolled piece of paper. It usually had this effect on me, mesmerizing my eyes, wrapping my conscience around it, making it impossible to resist.
I looked up again as the bell rang, freeing us from the most boring lesson in the history of humankind. I hastily threw the joint in my bag, so no one would see and gathered the rest of my things. Hoping to talk to Lorna, I looked around, realizing that she had already left. I felt the sadness slowly rising inside me, grabbing my heart with its fists and tearing at it. Somehow I had become used to this feeling, to disappointment.
The corridors were already empty, leaving me alone with the bland walls and lockers, which made me feel even lonelier. I turned around the corner, meeting Lorna and Christopher, who were making out. Christopher's body was pressed against hers, trapping her between him and the lockers. His hands were inching up her thigh, pushing her skirt even further. Lorna's legs were wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer towards her.
And I felt it. I felt all of it. All of my emotions taking advantage of me, ripping my heart apart, shattering it into a million pieces. Unable to control my limbs, I somehow managed to stumble into the next restroom, falling to the cold floor.
Nicky, we're here for you. We won't let you down. She doesn't love you. But we, we really do.
As usual, the drugs would start talking to me, tempting me to taste them. I took out the note Logan gave me, reading it over and over again. Follow your heart. But if your heart is shattered in a million pieces, which piece do you follow?
Old Nicky never suffered, I can't even remember a single day where she had been moping around, because of some girl who didn't love her back. How ridiculous! She would have said.
For once, I decided to do that what Old Nicky would have done. I tore the note apart and threw it in the trash while lighting the joint between my fingers.
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The light was blinding me, strengthening the pain in my head. This was the disadvantage of drugs, after your high, you felt low. Really, really low. My throat was scratching, my vision was a single blur and my body ached. The cold metal of the table felt nice, cooling my forehead, which was sticking to it. My head was lying in an uncomfortable position on the table next to my food, unable to hold it up. Normally, I would eat lunch with Vause and Logan, joking about the lessons and teachers. Today, the cafeteria was almost empty, allowing me to sleep here silently, while my food was cooling off.
The chattering noise of kids woke me up, causing me to flinch. The pain in my head had gotten stronger, the vision of my eyes even blurrier.
"Hey," Caleb said as he sat down next to me.
"What was that?"
"You mean my note?"
I nodded, using all of my energy for this single movement.
"Something very good and very strong. I didn't think you'd take it right away," he said, looking at me. I couldn't see his facial expression as my eyes were blinded by the light, but I could tell that he was smirking.
"You're such an ass"
We sat in silence for the following minutes, both knowing that I wasn't in the state for joking or talking at all. I poked around in my food as I tried to not feel nauseous by the beige color of the coconut sprinkles on the cake.
"Hey," she said innocently as she sat down right in front of me.
YOU ARE READING
One of us - Nichorello
Fanfiction„One of us, one of us". Ever since that scene in season one, I have been hoping that Nicky Nichols and Lorna Morello become a couple. Therefore this is a book about them, how they might have met each other if they weren't in prison!
