One of us - Nichorello

26. Just friends

<Lorna's POV>

The hallways were empty, no sign of Nicky. I had been running through the hallways for five minutes, but still, it felt like I had been searching for an eternity. There weren't many places she could go to, except the parking lot, the cafeteria and our playground. I thought back, trying to remember where she was often, where we had been, spending the most precious time. 

----------------

The changing rooms were silent, no living signal to be found. I sighed and sat down on a bench as I saw smoke escaping from behind a shower curtain. I stepped closer, pulling the shower curtains aside. There she was, the love of my life, sitting on the floor with a joint between her fingers, her head resting against the yellow tiles. She raised her head slowly as if this single movement was painful.

"Look who it is," she mumbled, scoffing at my presence.

"What happened to you?" I said, astonished by her appearance. She had never looked this devastated, this tired, this addicted to drugs. "How did this happen? You weren't like this when we met."

She inhaled a deep breath, saying: "And we're off." she paused "yeah, okay. No, go ahead. Say whatever you want. Call me a loser, a junkie, a failure. I've heard all of it."

I stepped towards her kneeling in front of her, attempting to look her directly into her mesmerizing, brown eyes. Surprisingly there was nothing brown left in them, only black, swallowing everything like a black hole. She tried to bring her joint back to her lips, as I immediately snatched it away, throwing it to the floor. I took her hands in mine, feeling her sweaty, trembling palms. This addiction really has reached another dimension.

Although Nicky was taller than me, I managed to drag her to the sink, splashing her face with water. Soon she seemed a bit more awake, her eyes taking their normal size again.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked confused, as I was dabbing a wet napkin on her forehead.

Relying on her subconscious state, I gathered the courage to say: "I love you, that means I'm not just here for the pretty parts. I'm here no matter what."

------------------

My legs were laying on hers as we were leaning against the yellow tiles of the bathroom, where we had met months ago. Her eyes were closed, enjoying the silence between us. It wasn't the uncomfortable silence filled with awkwardness, but rather the silence you enjoy because you don't need words to communicate with the other person.

"Why do we keep on doing this shit?" I asked, frustrated by the all the drama between us.

"It will get better," she said, taking my hand into hers. Luckily all the other students were still in class, leaving us alone.

"Does it really get better, or do we just get used to it?"

"Used to the drama or to the endless discussions?" she still wasn't looking at me.

"To the pain."

"If it's real, it'll hurt like hell. That's just the way it is," Nicky turned her head while shrugging her shoulders at me. I laughed at the corny sentence.

"That was cheesy" I giggled.

"I like it," she said her head tilted back against the wall.

"Really?"

"Yes. In fact, I like it so much that I got it on my arm."

I frowned, "What do you mean?"

She pulled up the sleeve of her left arm and leaned towards me, showing me her swollen red forearm. Underneath, if you looked really close, you could identify the words If it's real, it'll hurt like hell.

Did she get the tattoo for me? Was I the reason behind all of this? A way for me to always stay by her side?

"Why did you get this?"

"I don't know." she paused gazing up at the white ceiling "I just followed my impulse"

I sighed by her stubbornness. Of course, she wouldn't admit the real reason behind her decision. She was a mystery which could never be solved. Just as I thought I had figured her out, new questions came popping out of the blue.

"Why did you really get this?" I asked.

"I think you know the answer to that question."

"Did you get it for me?" I was praying that she would say yes.

"No, I didn't"

The frustration spread through my whole body, causing me to withdraw my hands from hers. How could I think that she would say yes? She denied every single one of her emotions. Exactly, the way she acted right now, was one of the main reasons I couldn't be with her. These actions of her told me that we should only stay friends.

"I mean we're not in a relationship," she said.

"Yeah, just friends" I replied, angry at her caginess.

She scoffed: "Lorna, we look at each other a little to long too be 'just friends'"

I glanced over at her, her eyes filled with honesty and calmness. She was right, Nicky and I had never been just friends. The day I met her, I already had known that she would be different. Her crooked smile and her brown eyes had already mesmerized me back then, even before I got to know her in person.