One of us - Nichorello

28. Too late

<Nicky's POV>

Looking back at the last few days I had spent coming clean, I could without a doubt say that it was painful. The shaking, the sweating, constant nausea, I started to sweat by only thinking about it again. I haven't talked to Lorna since I decided to seclude her from this part of my life. I didn't want to see me like this. This vulnerable, this lost and weak.

I dialed Lorna's phone number hastily while Vause and Boo were making sex noises behind me, acting like little children.

"Hello?" a smile spread across my face.

"Hey Lorna, it's me. Uh- Nicky."

Vause and Boo were trying to snitch my phone away, annoying me.

"Wow, uh- hi. What's up?"

"Not much, you know, the usual."

"Why did you call?" she sounded upset.

The sex noises in the background kept irritating me. I pushed Vause and Boo away from me, trying to concentrate on my conversation with Lorna. 

"I, uhm-. Do you wanna come over?" I asked.

"I'm with Christopher right now, sorry." 

She continued to speak, but I didn't listen. My vision turned blurry as I felt the sadness consuming all of my thoughts. She chose him. She always chooses him. The minute I'm not there, she just runs right back into his arms for comfort. How could I be so oblivious? Falling in love with a psychopath who is craving attention. I knew better than that.

I clenched my fists together while slowly exhaling, trying to calm my nerves. Noticing Vause staring at me, worrying about my state, I rushed up the stairs, locking myself in the room.

"Nicky, hello?" Lorna said.

"I'm still here." I shouldn't be, I thought. This girl is causing way too much pain for me. "You wanna know the real reason why I called?" She didn't respond as she noticed the anger in my voice "I wanted to tell you that I'm finally clean. I'm done with drugs, finally closing this chapter of the book."

"Wow, uh- that's great!" the remorse in her voice was unmistakable. 

"No, Lorna. It's not. This, this isn't great. I can't do this, this with us. It's too much, I can't go back to the drug addict I was, I can't repeat my mistakes. And by staying with you, that's exactly what I am going to do, I'm sorry."

"You're breaking up with me?" I heard her voice turning higher, giving her sadness away. It almost sounded like she really cared. I almost believed her. 

I inhaled, collecting myself, putting on the ignorant mask I used to wear all the time. "There's nothing to break up kid, we were never a thing."

"You don't have to do this."

"I don't have to, but I really, really want to." I hung up, aware that I just destroyed the only relationship that had ever meant something to me.

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"Some people are meant to remain in your heart, not your life," I said to Vause, trying to stop the endless discussion about my break up with Lorna.

"This is ridiculous, there is no point in talking to you!" she yelled "You're such an idiot sometimes. You just sobered up, you should be able to think clearly, not make the biggest mistake of your entire life."

"She chose Christopher over me, what am I supposed to do? Let her continue to treat me like this?"

"No! You should give her the chance to explain, talk to her."

"Yeah, because us talking, is going so smoothly." I sighed.

The doorbell rang, freeing me from this awful discussion. I literally ran to the door, pulling it open.

"Lorna?" my hand met my forehead in frustration, as I rubbed my temples.

"I need to talk to you."

"I have better things to do right now. I'm sorry."

"Hmm, well I don't give a shit, so let me in." she pushed me aside, entering my house without my permission. If that action wasn't hot, I don't know what is.

"Hey, Alex," Lorna smiled at Vause, who was grinning at my bad mood.

"I'm going to leave you alone," Alex excused herself, slowly walking up the stairs, hoping to eavesdrop on our conversation.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked, already annoyed by all the drama.

"What the heck just happened? You ignored me for days and suddenly you call: Hey, I'm sober, I'm done with you. Did you just use me all this time? Were you trying to make out with me? Was this a bet?"

"You think this was a bet? Falling in love with some psychopath chick who is in a relationship with a total douchebag, yeah, totally. I have dreamt of this, you know, looking at the girl I love, running around making out with some guy, while I was trying to fucking get clean. No, all of this. This crappy place we're in right now, I definitely did not want it to happen."

"You think I am a psychopath?"

"Seriously? That is what you heard of the entire speech? This is exactly the main reason why I don't want to be with you anymore. Instead of accusing me of being selfish, how about you ask yourself these questions?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're still with that douchebag of Christopher. I can't even imagine how low your self-respect must be when you're still with him."

"Are you trying to solve this problem or are you just listing up insults for me?"

"You're just too afraid to face the truth. I didn't use you, you used me," I muttered. Without looking at her, I turned around, heading towards the door. I didn't want to think about her anymore, I just wanted my old, simple life back.

"You're so dead," she whispered before I felt her jumping on me, tearing me down to the floor. I screamed as my back met the hard wooden floor, her weight pressed on my body. She continued to slap my face while straddling me, causing me to flinch. Luckily, I was much stronger enabling me to turn into a more comfortable position, propping my back up, sitting upright with Lorna on my lap. Through the strands of hair that were hanging in front of my face messily, I could see Lorna. She looked even beautiful when she was mad, her brows were furrowed, her cheeks were red and her lips were parted from the heavy breathing. Although I was still mad at her, I felt the arousal as I realized that she was sitting on top of me, her legs wrapped around my body.

I wiped the hairs out of my face, allowing me to see her face. Her hands were still tearing at my t-shirt trying to harm me somehow. I grinned at her helplessness and grabbed her wrist, stopping her from slapping me again.

My head was screaming, telling me to not do this, but it was too late, way too late.

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I won't be able to update next week, please don't be mad though XD