One of us - Nichorello

35. Too real

I'm finally back guys!!! As a thank you for waiting so patiently, I am publishing to chapters at once. Enjoy <3

<Nicky's POV>

"What just happened?" Vause asked, flicking a strand of hair from my face.

I wish I could tell her, but I can't. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know. The second I heard her voice, I came back to life. My heart began to beat, my ears began to hear and my lungs began to breathe. Her voice had brought back so many memories at once that I hadn't been able to think. The only thing I saw was Christopher. It wasn't Lorna I saw like I usually did. It was him. I could only see him. That's when I realized that I couldn't continue to love her, not after everything she had done to me.

"I just made it a lot easier." I mumbled "I had to do this so that we could someday be friends"

"Once you've been head-over-heels with someone you don't go back to being 'friends'. It doesn't work that way"

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I feel the soft silk of the sheets enclosing me and I instinctively turn around, spreading my arms over the matress, tapping over the bed.  The coolness of the mattress pulls me out of my half-asleep-state. My eyes suddenly open widely as I practically jump up, the sweat on my forehead, showing the unbearable heat in my mind. The alarm clock reads 5:42 am. I wonder if I will ever lose this habit of Lorna's; to wake up early. Even after 3 weeks I still think about her every day, every night. Until I left, I never noticed that I had adopted Lorna's habits. She was a morning person, leaving me alone in the bed, to apply her makeup. Every day I would lie in our bed, watch her apply her red lipstick, which would be leaving marks on my neck at some point of the day. After 5 minutes I would start talking to her. Every time she would flinch at my voice, lost in her thoughts. I wonder if she never noticed me staring at her, admiring her, or if she secretly enjoyed it.

Staring into this foreign darkness, the coldness creeping up my arms, yearning for Lorna's warmth. I never got used to it.

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"Another day where you won't speak?" Vause sighed, looking at me with pity. I hated it when people gave me the 'sad-look'. It made me feel like I was the only one going through a miserable time right now.

Ignoring her question I zipped at my tea. Yes, right. I am drinking tea. A habit of mine, which weirdly didn't remind me of Lorna. She never drank tea. We had never mentioned tea in one of our numerous conversations. It was refreshing, literally.

"Are you ready? We're heading down in a few minutes"

I nodded in response, wondering how long it would take until I necessarily had to speak. Maybe an hour. Maybe even a whole day.

I checked my suitcase again, locking it with the numbers of Lorna's birthday. I should really change the code, I thought to myself as I exited the door. Vause didn't try to talk to me in the elevator. She just stood there and didn't even look at me. It was obvious that she was annoyed by my current mood.

"Everyone this is Carlin," Aiden said.

Without breaking eye contact the brunette walked towards me, tilting her head, she introduced herself: "Stella". She shook my hand without waiting for a response. Sassy. A year ago this would have been the perfect girl for me. Confident. Cool. Calm. The three C's. Who knew that instead, I loved psychotic crazy bitches now.

"You wanna tell me your name?"

I shrugged my shoulders, not willing to talk. My intention was to not talk, she couldn't destroy my will to achieve this goal.

"I'm sorry for her behaviour, she doesn't talk much. I'm Alex," Vause smiled her polite smile and shook her hand while giving me an annoyed glare.

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Blasting music, smoke in the air and a strong scent of beer. Who knew that German bars would not only listen to Deutsch-rap. I was sitting at the counter all by myself, staring at the shelf filled with liquor in front of me. An hour ago I had told Vause per hand sign that I was going to get me a drink. And I hadn't returned to the group since. Vause was probably going to really get mad at me later.

"You wanna tell me the truth?" I heard a voice say next to me. I didn't bother to turn around as Stella sat down next to me, ordering a beer. She lit a cigarette between her fingers and continued to stare at me. I really liked her, well until now. She hadn't pressured me to speak at all and fortunately, I spent the entire day not saying a word.

She pointed the cigarette at me, offering it. Before even realizing I was thinking about Lorna who was telling me how harmful smoke was for your body. I scoffed at my mental image of her and took the cigarette. I inhaled a deep breath, the smoke filling my lungs. It felt so calming.

"Tell me," Stella grinned. I don't know what it was, but I actually began to talk. Maybe it was the cigarette. Or the alcohol. I can't remember.

"What?" I said.

"The truth. Your friend lied to me earlier, you're not shy."

"She never said I was shy. She said I don't talk much."

"That's the same. So why don't you tell me what's really going on"

"There is this girl. Well, there was this girl." Since when did I start talking about my feelings? This was absolutely crazy.

"I see. Well, I can help you with that." Stella tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, signalizing her interest. It felt weird. As strange as it sounds, I got used to Lorna's touch. Her flowery scent, the way she would smile in between our kisses. The softness of her lips. Instead, I felt Carlin's lips on mine. The roughness was the complete opposite of Lorna. I pushed her away:

"What the fuck, dude?" I wiped my mouth as if I could just wipe the moment away.

"Don't pretend like you don't want it, I can see it in your eyes" her confident smirk reminded me of my former self. How I had used people. How I had approached women. As if they were prey. Looking into the eyes of Carlin filled with hunger and I felt disgusted by myself. How could I just leave Lorna?

I looked down at my hands, my blurry vision making it questionable whether they were actually shaking or if I was hallucinating. A combination of both probably. I saw Lorna's face. Her cute dimples when she smiled at me, the way here giggle made me feel lighter. How she would sometimes straddle me to wake me up in the morning. I felt her touch on my skin, her fingertips tracing the outline of my arm. Her lips kissing along my jaw while her hand was cupping my cheek. The memories felt so real... too real. I abruptly raised my head encountering Stella's smirk. The anger rushed through my veins as I pushed her away and threw my fist at her. I heard the cracking of my knuckles and Carlin swearing at me.

She was lying on the ground, holding her nose, which was covered in blood. Weirdly, her eyes weren't filled with anger or rage. Instead, her eyes were filled with determination, her smirk displaying her confidence.

I hadn't noticed the tears in my eyes until they dripped down my cheeks as Vause held me in her arms without questioning my actions.