Amazing Grace (Jonathan Toews)

Her Eyes

Gracie

It has rained every day since my mom passed. And I used to love rain, it's what made her flowers in the garden grow. It's what gave me a excuse to stay in and read. But now it just reminds me that she's gone and so is the sunshine.

My mother was shot ten times in the chest, it is obvious this wasn't just a casual murder by someone who didn't know that they were doing, someone was trying to send a message. And the message was received.

I don't know where my dad went. That phone call was the last I heard of him. I never tried to reach out to him and when the guy who was trying to figure out who gets what tried to reach out to him he couldn't do it. He secretly helped set up the funeral and all that stuff but he did it through a middle man. There isn't a thing he could do to the investigation without outing what he's been doing all this time so they left the murder as unsolved. I don't think he would show up if he could anyway, he would probably do something stupid just to be with her again. Since he skipped town there wasn't a lot we could do now. All I know is that if he's gone those people looking for him are going to follow him until they get what they want from him. He was still trying to protect me, that's why he left. Just so those people wouldn't try to send him another message. But now I'm left here with my deceased mother and a MIA father and a very broken heart.

So I was the only one of the immediate family attending the funeral. Who will tell my grandparents what happened, why it happened? And now my grandma and Grandpa are stuck with me because those people couldn't get to me in time. At this point I kind of wish they did.

I pull on a long black dress and pick up a black jacket. It was still cool here in Chicago even though it was spring technically. But with the cold and the rain I was in no mood for trying to act like I was brave enough to go out there without something covering me. So I pull on the jacket and fix my hair so it was out of my way. I wouldn't dare wear make up knowing I was going to cry the whole time.

"Hey" Jonny says peaking his head into our room. "Patrick and Veronica went ahead to pick up some flowers so they're going to meet us there" he speaks softly as he comes in our room. He wore all black like me and I hate how good he looked in that.

"Did you take Sparky out" I question.

"Yeah. He got fed too and he's set until we get home" he explains and I nod.

"Okay" I say softly.

"Come here" he insists and I turn around. I walk over to him and into his arms. I fix his tie because he is so bad at that and he laughs. "You think I would be better at this" he claims.

"I guess it's good that some things never change" I say with a sad smile.

"Like that fact that I am always going to be here for you. You know that right" he asks.

"Of course I do" I insist. "I just don't want you being all sad because I am."

"I'm going to be sad. You know, on your birthday your mom said she loved that she got to know me. She said that you were right in everything you've done and what you saw in me and she is so proud of you" he explains.

"I know, she told me that a lot. She always loved you, just as I have" I insist.

"I'm so sorry this happened" he says and I feel the tears come up. "I wish more than anything God would have taken just about anyone else from this earth" he claims.

"Yeah, me too" I whisper.

"I got you another charm for your bracelet" he says as he picks up my wrist with my bracelet on it. He opens his other hand and reveals a cross charm. This cross is just like the one on the necklace my mom passed down to me all this time ago. The one I will never ever take off.

"Oh Jonny, that is so beautiful" I whisper.

"I showed the guy I get my charms from a picture of your necklace and he replicated it. I thought he did pretty good" he shrugs.

"He did great, this is amazing. I'm speechless" I admit. He puts it on my wrist and it looked so nice with the other ones.

"Jonathan... I don't even know where to start with you. You have been nothing but great to me and I don't know why you have been so good to me, but thank you. Seriously thank you for everything" I sniffle.

"Aww baby come here" he says wrapping his arms around me. I've found myself in his embrace so many times lately and it honestly felt like home.

He kisses the top of my head before rubbing my back so I would calm down.

"Are you ready" he asks.

"No" I admit.

"Don't worry, I got you" Jon assures me and I nod. I trusted him, I just didn't want to do this.

But we end up at the church and I stand in front of my friends and family. Everyone crying and I felt like I couldn't cry anymore. The earth itself has been crying since my mom had left, but I was pretty much dry. Jon stands behind me as I clear my throat. I've stood up here a million times and I've never been scared before. I could sing or talk about God, but to talk about losing my best friend, that's something I never imagined doing up here.

"I didn't write anything down because I refuse to believe she's really gone. I know she is, but that doesn't mean I have to believe she is.

Because every time I look in the mirror I still see her. I see her skin and her smile. Unfortunately for me, her hair too. But every time I look in the mirror I realize that I could never lose her because I am her.

Before she died she was working in here like always. She left a message on this very stand up here in the middle of her church. She was talking about what Jesus left behind when he died on the cross. And she said she didn't need followers or deciples, she had me and that was good enough for her.

And now she's gone and myself and this church is what is left for her. And I think that's something she would be very proud of. I look around and realize that she had touched so many people. And a person is rated not by what they say about themselves but what others say about them. And anyone who knows my mom knows she's such a joy to be around. So I wanted to thank you all for coming and ask you to not let the memories of my mom to die. She valued so many things that I will never be able to look at that the same way. But I'm lucky because I still get to see them through her eyes."