The last weeks were stressful. On everyone.
You, Sam and Dean have been trying to get your hands on the hand of god, so you had at least something to come up against Amara.
In the end, you got it.
Dean was sent back into the 1940s to get it and he made it.
That was before Lucifer revealed himself as Cas and you guys had one hell of a fight.
Dean and you were sitting in the bunker's library, beaten, bruised and bloody, a glass of whiskey in your hands.
"Dean, I'm not sure if I can help you guys anymore."
"What? Why?"
"With Lucifer in the game now, I don't know how much I can do!"
You downed the drink and slumped back in your chair, causing you to slightly wince from where Lucifer had thrown you into a book shelf.
"Angie, I don't understand. Why?"
"Because I can't fight against Lucifer. Even I, as a hunter, have limits!"
"Lucifer's your limit? Hunters don't have limits! Even if they had, that's a low limit. I thought you had bigger bads already?"
"There is nothing worse than Lucifer!"
You had your own problems with him. He had killed your entire family and made you watch. One after one, you always found yourself tied up, sitting or standing in front of your family member and watched Lucifer rip out their hearts.
It had gotten so far, that you killed your own mother, so she wouldn't have her heart ripped out.
Flashback —> September, 2009
You and your mother sat together at the kitchen table in her house.
"Mom, I want you to know, that I love you with everything I have and you're the last part of family I have, which is why I have to protect you!"
"Honey, from what?"
"I...well...the thing is..."
You were stuttering. You didn't want to tell your mother that 'Satan' had brutally killed her husband and son and that she was probably next.
"Angie?"
"Lucifer's out on a manhunt for my family! And I know that you're next because you're technically the last man standing!"
"Then why are you here?"
She knew you were desperate. Desperate for him to stop. Stop torturing you by killing the one thing you needed to survive.
"I'm here to do his job."
"You're here to kill me?"
"Mom, please don't hate me but I can't watch you getting your heart ripped out! So I had the brilliant idea to do it for him!"
You had started to cry. You knew how stupid that sounded.
Kill your own mother?
That was borderline crazy, even for you.
"I'm proud of you, Angie!"
"What?"
"It may be a little selfish but you're fighting Lucifer and you're apparently doing a great job! I mean you're sitting alive in front of me! That's gotta be something, right? Do it, Angie! I promise I won't come back and haunt you!"
You both laughed slightly and you pulled your gun on the table. Not knowing if you could pull the trigger on the woman who gave you the best life you could've wished for.
You loaded it and pointed it at her.
"I'm sorry, mom! I love you so much!"
"I love you too, Angie! I'm proud of you!"
You closed your eyes and pulled the trigger.
Present day
"Angie?"
You didn't notice the tears flowing down your cheeks. You imagined Lucifer killing Sam and Dean.
You could never live with yourself if you let that happen to them.
"I'm sorry, Dean! I have to go!"
You stood up, wiping your tear-stained cheeks. Dean followed you.
"Angie, you can't just walk out on us like that! We need every single one if we want to fight Lucifer and Amara!"
"Dean, I can't! You'll just get hurt more than necessary if I stay!"
"How?"
You turned around and looked into his eyes. He didn't want you to leave.
"Dean, please! Don't make this harder than it already is for me! I'm leaving for your sake only!"
"Why won't you explain why?"
"Because it hurts! Remembering what he did to my family hurts, Dean!"
You didn't bother with the tears anymore.
"Lucifer ripped out the heart of everyone of my family! I don't want him to do the same thing to you!"
Dean came closer and pulled you into a tight hug.
"Angie, this isn't our first run-in with him! Sam was possessed by him! We know how to keep him under control! Just, please don't leave, Angie! We need you!
I need you!"
He had tears in his eyes as well. He had cupped your cheeks and made you look up to him.
"What do you need me for, Dean? I'm useless. All I'm good for is research but in the field? I'm no help for you!"
You were shocked when you felt his lips on yours.
What is he doing?
Why is he doing this?
Why with you?
Questions like these were racing through your mind while you kissed him back.
After a while you pushed him away, catching your breath.
"Dean?"
"I can't afford to lose you, Angie! You've become an important part of my life and I can't imagine it without you!
I don't want to walk into the kitchen and not see you make coffee for everyone. I don't want to walk into the library and not see you fell asleep over tons of books and your laptop, because you were doing our job again.
I don't want to be in this bunker without you. I don't know how life without you is supposed to work anymore!"
He was crying.
Dean Winchester was actually crying.
He was still holding you like he was about to lean in again. You couldn't manage to say anything because of what Dean just said.
"Dean, I-"
"Angie, please stay! I promise, I'll protect you from Lucifer. I'll kill him with my bare hands if he lays a hand on you! I'll do anything, as long as you stay!"
He was staring into your eyes with a pleading look. You wanted to say no. You wanted to tell him that he'd surely die if you stayed but you couldn't. Something about him made you rethink your decision.
You now imagined Dean, never leaving his room and drinking himself to sleep everyday because you left. Shutting everybody out because that's how he deals with emotions and problems and pretty much everything else. Thinking that a bottle of whiskey will fix it and that he doesn't need help or someone to talk to.
You knew, because you do it the same way. Bottling everything up and letting it come out in spurts of violence and alcoholism.
You were both crying, looking at each other.
That's when you put your hands behind his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. A shorter one this time.
"So, you'll stay?"
"I think I have to sleep on it first. I'll tell you next week or so."
He was smiling like a child on Christmas and wiped your tears away with his thumbs.
"Thank you!"
"For what?"
"For not making my life miserable!"
"Anything for you!"
You couldn't help but smile. Dean could be the cheesiest man ever if he wanted to. He hugged you tightly and put his head on top of yours.
"Now how about we clean this mess up and get some pie?"
