Standing in the rain

Through the night

Jac didn't flinch away from Fletch's touch,  she was overwhelmed that this incredible man could show her such tenderness when she was such a bitch to him.
There was so much she wanted to say to him but she needed him to know some of the reasons why she was so broken and understand why she couldn't be with him because he was the last person she wanted to hurt and she knew it would be inevitable if they were together.
" since my mother left me and I went into care at the age of 12, I have had to keep my defences up to ensure that I could never be hurt like that again" she paused " of course that means I hurt everyone else in the process"
She held up her empty glass. Wordlessly he poured more brandy.
"When I first found out about Jasmine when I was a teenager I hated her. Why had mum not given her up, why was she the golden child,why was she not the one who sat awake and afraid every night in case one of the abusers came into her bedroom. When she turned up at the hospital I was fucking furious. How dare she come into my...." she searched for words
"Kingdom?" Fletch offered
She knew he was referring to her title of ice queen "'kingdom'" she said with a wry smile
"You know I made her life hell I couldn't to bring myself to  tell her that I didn't blame her. It was mum who abandoned me not her. Then there was all that mess with Fran. I can't believe I didn't recognise her from the home. Have you any idea how guilty I felt when she said she'd been abused by Yates and I saw and did nothing" tears began forming in her eyes again. Fletch instinctively covered her hand with his and squeezed, silently encouraging her to continue
" I was 14 Fletch. I was terrified that he would come for me so most nights a pulled my duvet and pillows off the bed and slept on the floor leaning against the door so that he wouldn't be able to come in in the middle of the night without me knowing. Obviously I knew what was going on but I was trying to survive myself.  Can you imagine how I felt when Fran,who had wanted to be so close to me like a sister was so jealous of my actual sister that she killed her. Jasmine died because of me and then I realised that i loved her. Too late to let her know of course" Jac yawned "that's only a tiny snapshot of what was going round in my head when I was walking in the rain. Talking is  helping to sort things out rather than being a big jumbled mess. Thanks for listening Fletch"
"Hey I'm glad you're actually talking to someone" he gave her a sad smile and squeezed her hand again. "It's really late Jac, do you want to carry on or grab a couple of hours sleep?"
She didn't deserve someone so kind and caring. Especially after how she'd treated him.
In a quiet voice she said "can I stay here tonight?"
"The kids are staying at their grans, so you can have one of their beds although I'd steer clear of the boys room if I were you it can get a bit toxic" he grinned
God she loved him she thought but that was a discussion for another day . Maybe tomorrow.
"Come on" he took her hand and led her upstairs. He chuckled to himself never in all my dreams would I be leading Jac Naylor up my stairs . Definitely not just to sleep anyway
"Spare toothbrush in the cupboard" he said "So you've got a choice of Harry Styles or Peppa Pig" Jac was momentarily confused until she realised he meant Evie or Ella's rooms.
"Harry I think. I get enough Peppa bloody pig at home"
He laughed and showed her to Evie's room. Right there, there was a tiny glimpse of the Jac Naylor he knew and loved.