Standing in the rain

And then

"Did you?" Jac said sadly "you didn't say"
"Neither did you. I was hurt Jac when I found out you had planned to leave but hadn't talked to me about it"
She sighed " I didn't know that Essie had that letter. I thought if you never knew in the first place and I hadn't gone anywhere I didn't need to say anything. We were doing ok weren't we?"
"Well except you were keeping everything from me. When Frieda told me what you'd been going through I felt physically sick Jac. How had I not noticed , why didn't you tell me. All those opportunities you had to talk to me and then when I eventually plucked up the courage to say we needed to talk you left"
Jac had tears rolling down her face " I did clumsily ask you to come away with me" she tried to laugh through her tears
"I know you did. Bit random .That was before I found out what you'd been experiencing. I thought we'd got close , I was arrogant enough to assume I was your confidante that I had broken some of those walls down but it was all based on what you were prepared to share with me" he sounded drained
Jac was still crying " they're in ruins" she said
"Sorry?"
"My walls Fletch" she explained " they're in ruins because of you"
"Not immediately evident from your actions Jac"
"I know, I know. Everything I've told you should help you understand why I am such a fuck up. I am a total car crash at relationships and as you've heard I hurt everyone in my path. I couldn't bare to hurt you Fletch so it was easier to keep you in the dark "
"You've never had qualms about hurting people before. You're Jac Naylor. You're ruthless"
She attempted a smile " I'm also Jac Naylor who is scared shitless about how much I care for you" she squeezed his hand. Their fingers were still entwined " I didn't just stay because everyone needed me. I stayed because I needed you. I couldn't bare not seeing you. When Serena told me about the leave I decided immediately I wasn't going to take it. I need my work - it defines me but when it came close to having a talk with you I panicked. I also think you made me realise I needed time off to recover . So I left but only got as far as your house. Sorry"