Why am I living? [[Completed]] ✓

Existence?

SOME PARTS ARE BASED ON SOMEWHAT (AND I REALLY MEAN SOMEWHAT) OF A TRUE STORY, BUT SUBSTANTIALLY EXAGGERATED FOR CONTENT PURPOSES.

CHAPTER ONE; EXISTENCE?

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One word. Fate. What is fate? Should we believe in one? Should we believe that I have one?

If you think about it, why should one hope for a fate? You can't hope for a fate because you 'know' that you're 'destined' to have one? What you should be focusing on instead is working towards achieving something, not hoping.

Hope gets you nowhere—trust me. I've hoped, believe it or not and it hadn't gotten me anywhere. As a matter of fact it had just made my life worse.

You see, I'd always thought that you have to work for something to achieve something. That's my advice to everyone. But the only problem that seems to be occurring is the fact that I didn't take my own advice.

I was just a normal 17 year old, Meryem Grimes with a problem with myself, I'm not even gonna lie. But there were too many flaws in me that existence shouldn't have been an option.

If I just died, it would have taken the pain away. Not just from me, but from others as well because all I'd done was bring suffering to others just by inhaling and exhaling.

This had been made pretty clear to me by Regina George. She was in my 7th and 8th grade class and was the only reminder up until that day that she was right—regardless of the fact that she was a bully.

Everyone else gave me the same bullshit—you're so pretty! You're so smart! Where did you get that amazing talent?

Excuse me, that's offensive! I would rather be told straight in the face like Regina George had told me, that I am none of those things. I am ugly, useless and a piece of shit.

I did nothing for my family, I didn't speak, I didn't show emotion, I was failing practically everything and then I wasn't going to the Crescent Moon Festival!

The one thing I've always dreamed of; the festival of reading. Reading hadn't always been my passion until I was pushed by my best friend, Jasmine Blackwood. She was a bookworm, obsessed with writing.

She's taught me through Crescent of reading how valuable reading is and it may be the only thing that I'm living for. Just having the luxury of reading gives me satisfaction.

I guess it was the only thing that kept me going. That is, until Khadeeja Khan came along. There was something about her, it made me wanna tear my skin apart. Just thinking about her made me send countless glares to her direction every time we were in the same room. Perhaps jealousy? Maybe or maybe not, but I had a hunch.

Oh that stupid goody two shoes. So god help me, I found one thing—ONE thing worth living for and it was all ruined. By her.

I wasn't one to care that much about people, unless they were my best friends. For example, Alen Shankland. She's someone I also deeply care about because she's one of my best friends. Those two, Jasmine and Alen they're the closest friends I've ever had. I guess they were also worth living for.

Back to the 'K problem', she came to this school acting all smart and cool. I think—I KNOW there was definitely something off with her.

She acted too innocent and too smart—which I'm going to admit she kinda is—it's too much. Alen and Jasmine thought that I was over reacting, that she's just not what I thought she was.