Why am I living? [[Completed]] ✓

He's Gone

CHAPTER 10; HE'S GONE

Days had passed and I hadn't heard from Jason. He was gone, no where to be seen. I was afraid for what would happen next. Where was he? What was he doing? And why did he leave? He didn't have to give himself up like that.

Khadeejah's a sick person. She's just inane—that's what she is. How could she do something like that? And the worst part was, nothing mattered anymore. Not after everything that had happened. School, friends, family—absolutely nothing!

There is one person who has seen things from my perspective and understands how I feel about everything and that's Benjamin. He understood on a personal level and that was very comforting.

Of course my friends were there for me, Alen and Jasmine (I had forgiven Jasmine because she was threatened). Stuff like this was serious and I didn't think that I was able to hold it in for long. Or that I should even hold it in the first place.

I kept thinking about what I should do. Should I tell someone? Or should I not? I hadn't come up with a decision at the time, which was what made me sad most of the time.

I cried, scared for what will come next if I don't tell someone because that's how any sane person should feel, right? But I thought maybe I should come up with a decision once I heard from Jason.

Honestly, no fragment of my brain had any clue on what I should do. This kind of thing wasn't normal in high school. But since it had happened, I had to learn to deal with it.

•••

Lunch at school was a mere interrogation. Restless conversations were being thrown around in the background, as I was writhing in my own darkness.

"We are your friends, Meryem! It's been days and this thing that's going on with you isn't healthy." Jasmine tried to reason with me. I just stared at my empty tray blankly.

"Meryem, this does no one good. Talk to us, we will help you." Alen gave me a sad smile. "I don't know how you could help." I told them.

"We can help you deal with it, it's not easy for us either." Alen sighed. "How could you possibly understand what I'm going through?" I whispered, anger becoming a reoccurring thing.

"We might not understand, but as your friends, we can help you feel better. Trust me this hurts us as well." Jasmine sympathized.

"Thanks, but I don't need your dumb help." I got up grabbing my bag and ran to the washroom, not caring if people would see my break down on the way there.

I threw myself in an empty stall and started to cry. Why me? It got me thinking more about my purpose in life. If there are bad things that are meant to happen to me, then why am I living? If that was what's going to be life, then what's my purpose?

"IS IT THAT HARD TO KNOW WHY I EXIST?!?" I yelled out, completely forgetting that humans even existed for a couple seconds.

I continued to sob for a few moments until I heard Alen and Jasmines voice. "Meryem?" Alen called out.

"In here." My voice cracked and I sniffed. They slowly pushed the stall door open and I started to walk out.

"The truth is, after everything that happened, I'm clueless. I miss Jason, but most of all, I don't know what to do. Jason's gone and for all I know, he could be hurt. Jasmine you and all of us got a death threat. I don't know what to do." I cried and they both hugged me, consoling me just a bit.

"We know." Jasmine told me. "We're here for you."

•••

Waking down the hallway was something I was dreading these days. I would walk as fast as I can, yet everything would be in slow motion. People laughing with each other, talking to each other. No offence to any loners out there because their actually cool, but even loners looked happy.