Why am I living? [[Completed]] ✓

Jumping To Conclusions

CHAPTER 14; JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS

After saying I love you, all I expected to hear was the worst. I played out so many scenarios in my head and instantly regretted the sudden decision. He could reject me, I'm just a fling to him. He doesn't love me back and now everything is going to be awkward. He's going to be disgusted because he doesn't think someone like me, should like someone like him.

He was stunned, his expression filling with many emotions but anxiousness being the most clear to see. He was silent for moments, the waiting continuing to form my thoughts in a negative way. It looked almost as if he was hesitating, which brought me on the verge of crying.

He sighed. My head snapped to the side view mirror after catching a glance of movement from the corner of my eye. I saw Jasmine walking to her car with Alen. I remembered Alen saying she needed a ride.

Right when Jason was about to speak, I grabbed my crutches and slung my bag on my shoulder. I made my way towards Jasmines black Jeep as fast as my impaired leg let me, not looking back once. Hot tears started streaming down my face. I knew it.

I. Fucking. Knew. It.

How could I have been so stupid? How could I have destroyed one of the only things that I loved? I love a number of things but that only goes to an extent. And I ruined one of the things that was on the top of my list.

I already knew it in my head, I EVEN SAID IT, that I was not worthy. No one would think of me worthy, so why bother? Yet, I continued to put faith in this like a blind fool. Now I really started to question; why am I living?

I quickly opened the door to the backseats of her car and hopped in, buckling myself in a matter of seconds. Both Jasmine and Alen looked at me with concern. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Alen asked.

"Just drive and don't look back." I told Jasmine, my voice cracking and the tears still falling. Jasmine waited a couple seconds, still staring at me. "Go." I  rushed her. She nodded, probably understanding that the best thing I needed right now was time to heal.

I tried so hard not to look back, but I needed to see. His car was already gone, which made me cry even more. Alen sensed the weird tension and made the stupid decision to move from the front seat then next to me, while the car was moving. "Alen, what the hell?" Jasmine slowed down slightly.

"Sorry." Alen shrugged. Jasmine shook her head and checked her rear view mirror. Our eyes met and she sighed before turning her attention back on the road. Alen then hugged me and I let her. It was comforting to know that my best friends were here for me.

•••

I thanked both of them, as Jasmine was about to pull up in my driveway. Alen had offered to drop me off first, so that she could comfort me along the way. As I got out of the car, I stopped in my tracks. Jason's car was in the driveway. I quickly wiped my tears, trying to hide them—obviously not doing a good job of it.

He stood and his eyes looked over at mine, before he looked at Alen (who had moved back to the front) and Jasmine. His eyes were filled with sadness and it even looked like that he was about to cry. I sniffed and waved goodbye to my friends and they gave me a sad smile, before pulling out of the driveway.

I stabled myself in my crutches and walked over to him. All he did was stare at me and study me. The silence was screaming at me and the awkwardness was making me lose balance. I accidentally put pressure on my leg and hissed under my breath then lifting it up and was about to fall. He caught my hiss since it was so quiet, even though my street was pretty crowded.