my babygirl → jack gilinsky

chapter twenty five ♡

lily ♡

"act like i care? lily, are you being serious right now?" jack said practically yelling in my face.

i hate this, i hate myself and i'm raging.

"please just leave me alone" i mumbled and walked into my bathroom, shutting and locking the door so he couldn't get in.

i then realized the guest bedroom had a door to the same bathroom so i jumped up and locked it too.

only seconds later to hear him banging on it.

"lily" he called.

i just ignored him, i didn't want to talk to him right now. he's leaving me soon and i'm going to be alone with my thoughts.

i can't trust my thoughts or ill be stupid and do things like try to kill myself and i'm terrified of being without him.

yes, of course, nate, sammy and zoey are still here but nate and sammy are going on tour together next week for awhile and zoey is suppose to be going back to hawaii with her family to see her grandma because she just had a stroke.

she's leaving tonight. i'll be absolutely alone:

"i can stay" his voice was softer now.

"i can cancel the tour, lily."

"i won't leave you here alone."

"just talk to me"

"don't shut me out. i care, i promise that i care."

i sighed. i know he cares, i just don't get how a small little fight about how long he will be gone got this far? he would've told me but it's because he is going for longer than eleven months and that's why he won't tell me.

i stood up and unlocked the door, sitting back against the other door.

seconds later, the knob twisted and he opened the door.

walked inside, and sat next to me.

"why.." he trailed off, looking at me with this look of hurt and sadness in his eyes clearly.

why i tried, that's what he was asking me.

"jack-" i started.

"no, lily. everyday when i was on that tour bus, playing those shows, sleeping in hotel beds, hugging millions of girls, i thought about you, i wanted to call you so many times but every time i tried, i couldn't because you just stopped texting back at some point and you were shutting me out, but you were my bestfriend then, you're my girlfriend now, lily, so don't shut me out, just talk to me.. please." he said.

"i watched a guy with a beard and black clothes pull out a gun and shoot my mom, jack. my bestfriend was on tour and never had the chance to talk to me, my other bestfriend was in another country with her sick grandma, i felt alone, i felt sad all the time, i was so sad, i didn't want to get up or eat, i just wanted to lay there in the darkness of my room and do nothing, i had nothing. but i could've had my other friends but i was so scared of being alone i couldn't talk to them and now everyone is leaving and i'm just scared so don't mind me if i wanted to know how long you were going to be leaving me for" i said with tears falling down my face.

he reached over with his thumb and wiped them away although they kept falling down.

"two years" he mumbled.

my heart was shattering into a million pieces. he's going to be gone for two whole years.

24 months
168 weeks
730 days
17520 hours
63,072,000 seconds

that i wouldn't be by his side.

63,072,000 seconds i can't kiss him, i can't smile at him, i can't be in his arms, i can't be with him.

i knew what i had to do.

"this isn't going to work" i mumbled and stood up walking out the bathroom through the guest room and going outside on our back patio.