my babygirl → jack gilinsky

chapter forty six ♡

lillian ♡

it's been a few weeks since i've been in omaha, since everything with sammy on twitter happened, jack talked to him and he didn't post the video, thankfully.

i think he's a creep for having the video in the first place.

sometimes i look at my arms where i have cuts that aren't as visible but they're scars from when everything was going on.

you know those habits you have that you do like everyday, or just something you do everyday but you try to stop doing it but you just can't? yeah that's how it was with my razor.

nobody knew.

i just sit here and look at the scars remembering everything that made me start doing it in the first place.

my mom, was for one, when i was with her, that guy, how he did that to her, made me want to kill him with my bare hands.

i don't like talking about that day because it hurts to talk about her because she shouldn't be dead, she should be alive and smiling with me.

but she's not. and today is her birthday, and i can't help but miss her like crazy.

i sat here, on my bed staring at my scars and thinking about my mom.

she was my bestfriend before zoey and jack. before everyone else, she was my bestfriend.

i'd tell her every single thing, if i killed someone and buried the body with someone else, when i'd come home that night, i'd still tell her even though she'd probably call the police and i'd go to jail but you get what i'm saying, right?

i never went to her grave because i thought it would hurt to just know she's gone and it would make it all real even though all of it is real.

even after two years, i still wish somehow it wasn't real and she'd walk through those doors one day and say she's alive.

and we would hug and cry and then everything would be okay again.

but i know that isn't going to happen.

but something was different, something was telling me i needed to go and see her.

so i texted my brother since he knew.

lillian: can i have the address of moms grave?
brian: (random cemetery)
lillian: thanks
brian: do you want me to bring you or come with you?
lillian: no, i'll be fine. i'll call you later
brian: tell her happy birthday for me..

a tear rolled down my face at that, i just wish she was here so we could tell her and see her smile.

she's not.

i was wearing, a sweatshirt and some leggings already, it's what i slept in.

my hair was up in a messy bun.

i didn't put makeup on because my mom didn't care about makeup.

i walked downstairs, my car keys and phone clutched into my hands.

jack was sitting on the couch,

bryan and lydia moved out weeks ago though so they weren't here obviously.

"hey.." jack said softly seeing me.

"i'll be back later" i mumbled trying not to make eye contact because i knew if i did, i night just breakdown.

"um okay, text me if you need something" he said, i looked out the corner of my eye and he was standing up and walking towards me.

he knew what today was.

he put his hand under my chin and lifted it so i was now looking at him in the face.

"i love you" he whispered but i knew he meant it, and he wasn't just saying this to make me feel better.

he actually meant it.

he placed a soft kiss on my head. "just be careful"

i nodded slightly and walked out the door, i got in my car and drove myself to the place bryan texted me.

i got there a few minutes later.

i parked my car somewhere and walked and found her right where brian said she would be.

when i saw her name, i fell to the ground, with tears rolling down uncontrollably.

i couldn't stop them, there was no point.

my hands over my mouth as i cried and looked at her, beautifully decorated grave.

milania martinez jacobs

mother of two kids, wife, daughter..

she didn't deserve to die like she did.

"hey" i whispered.

i stared for a few more minutes, "happy birthday" i then said.

i put down the card and flowers i brought for her.

i wanted to tell her so much, so many things but i couldn't bring myself to say anything, but to just look, to cry.

all i wanted to do was cry, that's the only way i was feeling.

"hey" another voice said, a girls.

i looked up and saw zoey standing there.

i jumped up and hugged her so tight.

she rubbed my back for awhile. and we pulled away.

"what are you doing here?" i asked.

"you need me" she said.

"thank you" i said.

she nodded, grabbed my hand and held onto it tightly, and walked back to her grave with me.

we sat down and she stayed with me as long as i needed to be here.

i was so thankful to have a bestfriend like her.

also, thank you guys so much for 6.38k reads!
means so much to me!
stay happy<3
-ry ♡