chapter 20 | unable to explain

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"i didn't ask for you to comfort me,

but it would've been nice."

-unknown

-unknown

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VENUS

"VENUS, WAKEY wakey!" I hear someone call gently into my ear. I try to open my eyes but they won't open. My body is limp, relaxed, and I finally feel comfortable.

I hear a whisper and a little chuckle, and then my body is doused in cold water. I let out a loud, shrill shriek, quickly sitting up. Harmonie stands a couple meters away from me with a plastic cup in her hand, now empty, and Emily lets out a giggle.

I glance across at the dormitory door. Eric stands there, metal in his hands, like he is about to wake us up but to be honest we're all awake now anyway. His eyes meet mine and I'm not sure if he looks amused or disappointed. But I definitely feel disappointed in myself. Not typically Abnegation of me.

"Had fun last night?" Emily chirps. She is already in her Dauntless uniform, and so is Harmonie. She bursts out laughing, clutching her stomach.

"Fuck off," I grumble, slipping out of bed. I sweep some brunette strands away from my face with a yawn, just as Eric turns and leaves. I feel better now he's gone.

Once I reach the mirror, I let out a groan at my appearance. My eyes are bloodshot and my hair is a frizzy mess on my head. Black makeup from last night is smeared down my face like I've been crying, and I was. I'm happy no one asked.

Turning on the tap, I splash water on my face until all the remaining makeup is off. Drying my face I borrow Harmonie's hairbrush and work it through my dark hair until it looks a little better, before returning it to her.

I quickly change into my black leggings with mesh panels and a black tank top, and I don't bother changing my combat boots which I slept in. My other clothes are too wet, thanks to Harmonie, so I array them on my bed.

"Can we... skip breakfast?" I ask them, who are perfectly sober unlike me. My head is pounding like a drum and the thought of food makes me gag. I can't be in a cafeteria smelling of an eggy breakfast like this. I'll be sick everywhere.

Emily tilts her head, although Harmonie bursts out laughing. I roll my eyes as we leave the dormitory.

"Well, I'm going straight to the training room," I say.

"Are you sure? You could ask Four or Eric to have a day off-" Emily begins, although breaks off. "Wait, don't ask Eric. He'll probably make you fight Rhett again or something!"

I learned there humans have approximately 7 trillion nerves in their body, and Emily always knows how to get on every single one of them. She mentioned the worst people I could think about right now.

Rhett tried to kiss me.

I kissed Eric.

Four is my brother.

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