Dont leave me [Tobirama x suicidal!reader ]

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In memory of my good friend Andrew H. who accedentaly took his own life 14 days ago. I know he loved tobirama. And I really wish he could have read this before he left.
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[1st person reader]

The same sun rose over the green leafy trees as always. And as always hell came with it. I wonder if the sun ever got sick of its job. It provided life of everything yet no one did anything for the it. The sun is so old and it's seen everything on this planet that has ever existed, die. And it will live to see everything in the future die. What a sickening job it must have. What a sickening life.

I grabbed my house keys and headed out of the front door, not bothering to eat breakfast. Eating was a chore. Why make my day any harder? As I walk to the park I looked down at my feet. Although you can't see it through my shoes, my feet where almost thin to the bone. It disgusted me, my feet. I disgusted me. All of me. From my thining hair to my fatless feet. I hated it. I hated me.

I approached the gate of the park and went in, not bothering to look up from my grotesque feet. Not bothering to look at everyone looking at me. I knew they where, they always do. I wonder how they'd look at my grave? Would it be with the same hatred and judgement, or would it be remorse and guilt for driving me to do this.

I'm supposed to be meeting Tobirama in his office for a new mission but I don't like feel like doing that. The mission. Talking to Tobirama. He's the one person in my life who actually makes me feel emotion anymore. Though that's the hardest part of my life. More specifically my death. I can easily throw away my life when no one cares about it. Like a broken toy no one wants, no one but Tobirama. And then I'd put him through another cycle of grief. He'd already gone through that with all of his brothers and parents, I don't want to make him go through that with me.

But I'm selfish. So I am. Even so, I feel bad about it. Not like my stomach formed into knots. No. This is like wanting to throw up in humid weather right before a job interview, you're already so hot and you can't cool down but then you have to worry about vomiting on yourself. Your clothes have sweat marks, your hair is sticking to your face. You try fanning yourself but it just makes you dizzier and more likely to throw up but for the sake of a job you can't. It's horrible.

But like I said I'm going to do it. Here. In this park. In konoha. Below the sun that sees all life and death. I feel bad for hanging myself on a tree. The tree didn't do anything wrong yet I'm forcing it to help me die. I feel bad again.

I go off the rocky red trail a few steps and stop. I pull out the rope, insuring that I didn't come all this way for nothing. Yes. The rope was there. I held the prickly thing in my hand. I wondered what it would feel like around my neck, but I wouldn't have to wonder long. That's what I hoped

"Y/N?"

I froze. I know that voice. That stupid fucking voice. That soft gentle voice. The one voice that could stop me from doing this. The one voice that I cared about in the ocean of voices.

"Tobirama," I straitened up slowly looking him dead in the eye. Ha. Dead. I wish.

"I was looking for you," he wasn't in his hokage gown and hat. He never was. "Tacky" he called it. Ha. Tobirama always made me laugh, somehow.

"I thought you might be her-..." he looked at my hand. The rope. Fuck.

He paused. He paused and in those long moments I just wished that I could have been the slightest bit faster on getting to this park. I wish that I had done it already. Actual minutes passed and he exhaled. Was he holding his breath? For minutes at a time? For me?

"I can't explain," I knew what he was going to ask first, I always did.

"I can't explain to you how I feel. There's nothing to feel I don't feel anythi-"

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