Conditional Love

Chapter 19

Magnus wakes up the next morning and stretches with a huge smile, but it falters quickly when he realizes that Alexander is no longer in his bed. Magnus reaches to the side where Alexander was laying and found that the sheets are cold. With a frustrated sigh, Magnus rolls on his back in disappointment. His thoughts start running wild. Of course he wasn't going to stick around. Why would he? I'm not good enough to wait around for, especially someone as amazing as Alexander! We've only been back together for a week. This is ridiculous. I should have known better. I treated Alexander like shit for the first three months, then screwed things up epically the one time I should have proven myself. God! I'm such an idiot to think that Alexander could ever fall in love with someone like me. Idiot! Idiot! Idio-... Magnus' thoughts are halted by the door creaking open. He doesn't look, he knows it's just Chairman Meow padding his way into the room.

"Magnus? Baby, what's wrong?" It's Alec's voice. Magnus almost doesn't believe it. It's then he realizes that he's crying. Opening his eyes, Magnus sees Alec place a tray of food down on the bedside table. Alexander winces slightly as he sits down on the edge of the bed.

"I thought you left me," Magnus hiccups from his hysterical crying. Alec pulls Magnus into a bone crushing hug, trying to calm him down.

"Oh god! No baby, I just woke up early and wanted to do something for you, so I got up and made you breakfast in bed," Alec says as he runs his hand in a comforting manor up and down Magnus' back. Magnus continues to cling on to Alec - as if letting go would cause Alec to disappear for good - until he can get his emotions back in order. Once he calms down, Magnus looks up at Alec.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

"Would you like to tell me what that was all about?" Alec asks in a soft, soothing voice. He still has an arm wrapped around Magnus.

"I just thought you left," Magnus pauses and takes a deep breath, "I wouldn't have blamed you if you had. I treated you like shit. I don't deserve you." Magnus hangs his head in shame, then feels a finger under his chin. He looks into those sapphire eyes that he's fallen hopelessly in love with, and they look so sad.

"Magnus, you never treated me like shit. Where in the world did that even come from?" Alec cups Magnus' cheeks with both of his hands, wipes the tear tracks off Magnus' cheeks, and continues, "You say that I don't deserve you, but I think it's the other way around."

Magnus can't help but stare in disbelief at Alec's incredulous statement. "Darling, there is no one more deserving than you. You're so kind, loving... loyal. There are a myriad of adjectives that I could use to describe you. You, more than anyone, deserves to have the world handed to you on a silver platter." Magnus says in ernest.

"But I was the one who kept pushing you to come out at work, knowing you weren't ready, then I basically pushed you into someone else's arms! Not only that, but I said some pretty horrible things to you out of anger. You also know my past... I'm damaged." Alec looks at Magnus, and Magnus can just see the pain in Alec's eyes... and the resolve, like Alexander still believes that what his parents and his ex said all those years ago was true.

"No Alexander! Those assholes don't get to do this to you - to us - your parents are bigoted assholes, and your ex, he was too insecure to be able to give you the healthy relationship that you deserve. I suppose I can't talk since I've also failed at doing so before, but not this time. I'm lucky enough to have that second chance with you, so I am going to prove to you that you are worth all of the love in the world! As far as what you said to me, even if it was out of anger, I deserved it for what I did to you," Magnus says adamantly.

With a sigh, Alec says, "How about this, why don't we both give each other our best selves. No more insecurities, no more doubt... just you and me." Magnus has a smile on his face and nods in agreement.