Return to Riverdale

XIII

Panting, I pound on the door to FP's trailer. I ran all the way here, hoping to lose the haunting thoughts in my head on the way. Jughead opens the door, looking surprised to see me. He gestures for me to come in and I topple in, leaning on the wall, heaving for breath. 

"Kim..." Jug starts, watching me with his eyebrows arched, creasing his forehead. "Are you alright?" I shake my head, still breathing heavily. 

"Your dad," I croak, nearly wheezing. 

Jughead stands expectantly, watching me struggle for air. He's clearly too confused to process why I'm here or what I'm asking. He didn't connect the dots like Kevin, he has no idea. 

"Is he... Here?" I pant, still gasping for air. 

Jug nods, disappearing down the hall. I slump onto the floor, sitting with my back against their couch. I close my eyes and lean my head back, trying to take slow, deep breaths to regulate my breathing. FP comes out and crouches next to me. 

"You alright, Kim?" He worries. 

I open my eyes to find him hunched over, nearly inspecting me. I nod slowly, finally feeling almost normal. My intrusive thoughts continue and I just squint my eyes, again trying to will them away. We sit in silence as my breathing regulates. FP sits, quietly, watching me sit and meditate on my thoughts and my words. 

Jughead sees himself out, explaining that Betty called him over to her house. I can only imagine what might be going on between them now after covering up Chic's murder.

"Kevin knows," I admit, sighing. FP sits up, more alert. His eyes widen and he stares at me, waiting for more. 

"Kim..." 

"He noticed your truck at my house, and how many times I offered to run for Pop's, and he saw us earlier at the cemetery." I explain slowly, sounding emotionless and exhausted. 

We sit quietly again. 

"I told him about Chic, how Chic is a murderer." I admit again, sounding the same, as if nothing matters. 

"Why would you-" 

"He started saying all of these terrible things about you. It made me angry, and I snapped." I continue, feeling ashamed. "I know I shouldn't have, but it's done." It's silent again, the words hanging in the air. "And..." I pause, swallowing the lump in my throat. "My brain started... Started telling me all these things... About you... And the things you've done...How Kevin is right and you're some bad man known for committing crimes..." I blurt, choking back tears as I go on. 

His entire demeanor changes with my words. His shoulders slump, his face falls, he looks defeated and helpless. He looks how I feel. 

"So, I ran. I ran out of my house. I ran all the way here. I wanted to outrun my thoughts and keep them away from me." I explain, kneeling and reaching for FP's hand. "I don't believe any of that, FP." I kiss his knuckles, trying to coax him to look at me. "I think you're a strong, caring, hard-working family man who got mixed up with the Serpents and has had a negative light on him ever since. I think you're kindness and your big heart are overlooked. I think you have so much to offer the world and the people you care about, and who care about you. But no one takes the time to know that." I continue, not breaking my gaze with him. His eyes brighten as I go on, looking hopeful that I don't see him as a terrible person. 

"I'm so sorry, FP." I kiss his knuckles again, and lean up to kiss his lips. 

"I'm sorry, Kim." He echoes. "I'm not the best man, but it gives me so much hope to know you see the good in me. Thank you." He kisses me again, pulling me onto his lap. 

A knock sounds on the trailer door, and we both turn our attention to it. FP sets me down and opens the door. Alice stands on the other side looking more broken than I could ever imagine her to be. She sees herself in and cries into FP. 

"I had your– I had your baby...Remember? In high school? I had to give him up for adoption. He came to see me and I turned him away." Alice reveals, crying and sobbing. FP holds her steady. 

"Are you talking about Chic?" FP wonders, still trying to console a heartbroken Alice. 

"No, no. Chic is someone else. Our son is– he's dead. He's dead because of me." Alice nearly crumbles to the ground, trying to shove away from FP and escape the trailer. 

"A- Alice..." FP tries, his face sunken and tears brimming in his eyes. 

I go over to him to offer physical and emotional support. He grips me in his arms and holds me there, firmly, like he's afraid to let go. A few tears drip from his chin to my shoulder. His hands rest in my hair, holding my head up to his chest. 

"I... I lost a son," he whispers, almost trying to tell himself. I feel him shake against me. 

Dumbfounded, I try my best to offer comfort and support. I can't fathom what he's going through, but I want to be able to help him through it. Losing his first born he didn't even know he had–bore by his high school sweetheart–has to feel surreal and heartbreaking. 

"I'm so sorry, FP." I offer, holding him tightly. He looks down at me, his tears slowing down. 

"I love you, Kimberly." He says after a few beats of silence, sounding composed and matter-of-factly. 

My eyes widen, our gaze solid. 

"I've been waiting to say it; I wanted to say it at a special moment. But I don't care, I love you and you mean so much to me. I want you to know that." He continues to hold me. I reach up and kiss him, holding the sides of his neck. 

"I love you too, FP Jones." 

We share another kiss. FP lifts me into his arms, carrying me with my legs on either side of him. We reach his bedroom, and he lays me down, stopping to admire me at the edge of his bed. He smirks with a twinkle in his eyes and starts to undress. First he shed his jacket, and lifts his shirt over his head. My eyes rake his chest, admiring his figure. He catches me watching him and grins, leaning down to kiss me.