Broken Love [COMPLETED BUT EDITING]

Chapter 31: Special

These chapters are bonus chapters! Enjoy!

Only a few more weeks until James has to leave. We've grown so close. I feel like I've known him forever. When I feel horrible, he's there. His memory alone brings a smile to my face. There's a comfort and safeness that I feel when I'm with him, or when I think of him. I'd never have thought that I'd feel so strongly for him. That I'd fall in love with him, with his smile, his laugh, his voice, his scent. 

I tell him everything without fear. And there's never a boring moment. He's supported me so much. I honestly trust him with my life. He can make me smile in my worst moments. Even if we aren't together forever,  I will always love him. 

I can tell him things that I'd normally never tell anyone. I let him see my worst thoughts, my darkest emotions. I normally hide so much even people think I'm an open book. There is so much about me people don't know. But James does. James understands me in a way that I never expected. 

I used to wonder why people who love each other are so attached. I used to say just knowing someone likes me back is enough. But you need to be able to talk to them, to understand them, you need to be able to tell them things. 

Moments when I feel so broken, so alone, all I have to do is simply THINK of James and I slowly return to my bubbly self. It's funny how so many think I'm this bubbly girl who doesn't let anything get her down.

But I've let James see that broken, scared girl who simply wants to be loved, taken care of. The girl who people like not for any particular reason, but because of her. I let him see the girl who wants to be enough for someone. 

There's a connection between us. And I was unsure for the longest time. But I can say this confidently now. I love James Marquez. I love him so much. 

Someone asked me if I had known that any of my high school crushes had liked me would I have been dating them instead of James. I said no. I would've fallen for James somehow. 

I never told anyone about the attraction and curiosity I felt from day one. When I was in geometry or global, I would always glance at James and Will. I used to say it was because I thought Will was cute, but I was lying to everyone and myself. 

I wanted to get close to James. I wanted to know him. When I got put at a table with him, I was happy. I didn't regret not getting to sit with Will. I wanted to sit with James. I lied to everyone, even my best friends. I told them I wanted to get close to Will through James. But I had felt a connection to James even when my mind didn't know. My heart had known from then he was someone special.

He wasn't like the jerks I had fallen for. He didn't insult me. He didn't hate me for not being able to do certain things because I was Hindu. he respected me, and even asked about it. He wanted to understand me, not for his own personal gain. But because he wanted to. 

If I didn't have him...I'd still be alone and that aching hole in my heart would still be there. But he helps me every time my past overtakes me. Every time I remember the shit Chris and Steve and everyone else put me through. He stops me. He stays by me.

The comfort that he's provided for me...I don't know what I'd do without his all-curing hugs. He makes me feel safe, protected, loved. When did I get so lucky? I wish he wouldn't leave. But I guess that just the way life works. Some go, some stay. but they'll always remain in your heart forever. And he will. 

Love u, J😘