Broken Love [COMPLETED BUT EDITING]

Chapter 40: The end of us

When you've read the whole story, when you get all mushy over the story, I want you to close your eyes. Take that feeling and shove it aside. Because the end of this story isn't happy. 

So James left. And over the summer we barely talked. I guess we just fell out of contact. But in August, we talked. And I asked him if it would be best to break up. He said yes. He said things were off, and I agreed. He didn't like me anymore, not in that way. So I let him think I felt that way too. And honestly, I did. I was focusing on guys I used to like. It was only fair I let go of James. 

So we were over. 

School started. Few people knew about the breakup. Someday they'd find out. I just didn't care enough to tell many people.

I had kind of pushed away many of my close friends. I don't know why. I just stopped talking to them. And we didn't have classes together. Plus, I wasn't in the mood. I talked to my old middle school friends more. 

But one Friday he called me. He told me about his new school, and I told him about what changes took place. He was happy, he was popular. 

And for a while, I thought, maybe, just maybe, I'd get a chance with him again. He promised to come visit one Friday because he get out early. Earlier than us at least. 

So hope blossomed within me. I tried to push away that feeling I had suppressed all summer. Letting go of him was easier than loving him.

But today, at lunch, Sarah told me...

She said he'd found this new girl he liked. I hadn't known. He hadn't told me. I told her it was fine, that I was happy for him. If I told her how I really felt, she'd probably tell him. 

I stayed quiet. Memories by Shawn Mendes was playing on my phone. I walked to class. I didn't know I'd feel like this. I didn't know I'd feel my heart sinking. There were many times I told him when we break up, go for any girl you want. Just tell me. I didn't expect to feel so hurt.

It's not just the fact that he moved on so quickly. It's the fact that he didn't tell me. It's the fact that tomorrow when I see him, it's going to be weird to talk to him. I'd hoped in our relationship, whether friendship or more, he'd be open. I thought he'd understood by now that it's ok to tell me things you wouldn't normally tell an ex-girlfriend. If he'd told me himself maybe I wouldn't have felt so hurt. Yes, I'd be surprised and sad, but it'd be easier if he'd told me. 

How am I supposed to talk to him? He still means so much to me. And I knew. God, I knew from months ago. There had been mentions of a girl...but he had stopped me from asking much. And I trusted him. he had been my everything. He was that one guy that hadn't hurt me, hadn't betrayed my trust. Maybe he's just waiting for the right moment to tell me. Maybe Sarah was joking. 

Maybe she misunderstood what he'd told her. 

When I told Nate, and a close friend, Shivam they'd listened. When I'd told Vanessa and Clara they told me to move on. 

Nate and Shivam tried to help me. They listened to the story, to how I felt. This is why many of my friends are male. This is why I prefer their friendship. because when it comes down to shit, they are there for you. When you need a laugh, they do stupid things just to make you smile. 

Hell, Shivam told me to give him up and move on. Ignore him forever. I told him, "He's one of my close friends. All of my close friends are close with him. He doesn't even know I know."

"I feel sad for you. I don't know what to say. You're like a sister to me. I don't want to see you sad."

"It's ok, I'm fine."

Nate said, "Tell him."

"No. If he knew I still liked him, he'd feel guilty. and I just want him to be happy."

"Selfless queen right here." Shivam said. The two of them started clapping. I rolled my eyes.

"Its fine. I'm just tired of always ending up like this. But it's better him than me. I don't know if I could ever hurt him."

I had to let go. I had to.

I knew for months that he was going to find a really nice girl he liked. 

I knew. 

And if we were still together he'd not talk to her, out of respect for me. He'd let himself suffer for a while until I picked up on it. And it's not fair to him. SO I let go. 

Sometimes letting go is the best way to show your love. And sometimes I feel that he never felt the way I did. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I didn't portray it right. I just didn't think it'd end like this. I didn't think he'd find someone so fast, and not even mention it to me. 

But it's ok. 

I've learned that bad things happen, but then something good takes its place. That's just life. We maybe start to drown in sorrow but we always end up floating into happiness before it tips us over. Things happen for a reason. Sometimes they're planned for. Sometimes

They happen unexpectedly. 

He took my broken pieces, and he broke them some more. He had only fixed them temporarily. I just wish I'd seen it ahead of time.