Him and Me.

Him and Me- Thirty Five.

The swing creaked under my weight as I pushed on the grassy ground with my foot, causing the swing to move back and forth. I ran my hands slowly down the metal chains, the coolness of them could be felt beneath my palms. Kids whizzed pass by me, laughing and shouting at the top of their lungs, not a single worry or care in the world. Yes, this was where I decided to go—the park-slash-playground a couple of blocks down my house.

Distant voices of mothers, or maybe sisters or nannies, calling out to their kids to not run too fast, not wander off to far, joined the breeze. Be careful, they called out. Of course, being kids, they ran in abandon, not really caring or thinking about the consequences of their careless actions. A small, somewhat nostalgic smile managed to snake its way on my lips as I watched the kids. It was funny, that often when we were younger, we couldn’t wait to grow up. If our little kiddie selves would’ve known of all the complications and confusions that came with going through adulthood, we would’ve had not hurried too much.  

A sigh escaped my lips, replacing the smile that was once there. I had became such a drama queen. This was not me, at all. I had my share of disappointments and sadness, of fights and failures. Never had I felt so down though, with the exception of my father passing away.

As tears threatened to pool my eyes, I took a deep breath, willing them to stay unshed. I should’ve never let that tear escape. Now, all I wanted to do was cry.

I had no idea why I even felt this upset. Pressure weighed heavily upon me, the majority of which sitting right on top of my heart. It made me feel claustrophobic, and it was suffocating. It left me gasping for air. Resting a hand over where the beating muscle lay, I felt it beat for a moment and then rubbed against it, as if to etch the pressure away.

Biting my lip, I pushed a foot against the ground again, my sneaker flattening the grass. As I was rocked back and forth, the heaviness that I was feeling combined with tiredness. Suddenly, I felt like sleeping for an extended period of time, to rest my body, to rest my mind, and to rest my heart. It was all very dramatic, and despite the fact that I detested anything that resembled to a teenage angst-combined-with-love story movie, (though I had to admit that I had enjoyed watching a couple) I couldn’t help but feel that I was in one.

The school’s star basketball player was dating me. I wouldn’t say I was a nobody, because I’d have to say I was a pretty well-liked kid. Still this was a far stretch as far as the dating hierarchy went, at least in my school. People would think, hey she should be happy with that. And I was, Kyle had been nothing but sweet and kind and thoughtful. He made me laugh, joked around with me, brought me to awesome dates, and was a perfect gentleman.

But could any girl be completely and deliriously happy when the guy she considered to be her best friend was ignoring her, for reasons she could not exactly grasp? Sure, maybe he was a little bit upset that I said yes to Kyle without telling him, and he had to find out the way he did. But come on, he came out of nowhere, his arm dangling over Lisa Wade, and had completely forgotten about me. And then he showed up to my house the night after without even realizing that he had. He didn’t even send me a message that I shouldn’t wait for him. Oh no. He probably spent the rest of that afternoon with Lisa, doing only God knows what.

The funny thing was, I wasn’t over the top mad at him. Mostly, I was just sad. And hurt. I had admitted that. I felt really hurt.

The things I had shared with Colby were some of the stories buried deep inside of me, and digging them out had not been very easy. But as I opened up to Colby more, the more I realized how easy it was with him. Maybe because he had experienced the pain of losing someone, too. And the fact that he was not afraid to be vulnerable in front of me, even with all that badass aura he was expelling, had helped softened my attitude towards him.