Youth || Joshler

17: Tyler Is Home

[this chapter took me three attempts to write, that's why it took so long.. my apologizes. also please listen to the attached song, for chapter vibes, y'know. enjoy]

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She gasped. She turned. She left. Tyler took in her every movement like it was the end of the world, like suddenly, in her actions lay the fate of Tyler and Josh. It was perfectly terrifying. She was gone so fast that she didn't get to see the aftermath; didn't see Josh rip away from Tyler, didn't see Tyler break into tears that he couldn't seem to justify. Everything turned from heavenly to chaotic in a matter of seconds, and it was terrifying.

"What-" Tyler cut himself off, voice low, a croak over the music. Josh was distant and rightfully so, now over a meter away from the teenager. A raw fear was in his eyes. Tyler cried silently, knowing that this was where it all went downhill, but not willing to come to terms with it himself as what they had was too good, far too good to be true, and now it was revealed that all good things never lasted. It was like finding out that the tooth fairy wasn't real. Tyler's world crashed down in a matter of seconds.

"I-I have to go," announced Josh, eyes in the direction of the doorway where Jenna had retreated at. For a moment, Tyler thought that he'd go after her. For a moment there was hope that maybe they would take their way out of this. Maybe they could still be a they, maybe-

But Josh turned the opposite way and stepped down the courtyard steps. Tyler's face fell like Icarus diving down into the ocean, expression melting like wax, his tears the hit rays of the sun scorching his flesh. He watched as Josh fumbled for his keys and unlocked a door on the other side of the expansion of grass and yard. He was leaving. Perhaps he'd get fired for leaving his job as chaperone before he'd get fired for seeing one of his students. They- He- could only hope.

He knew without words that this was the end, even if it wasn't. It was the beginning of the end. The night was cold and Tyler shivered, the popping of fireworks in the sky catching his attention. They were blood red.

The gym doors opened and a fleet of students, dressed from head to toe in gowns and tuxedos, poured out into the courtyard like a tidal wave to watch the fireworks. Tyler forgot that there were fireworks tonight.

He made way and sat down on the steps, people pushing past him rudely, fleeting into the field. People kissed as they went off, but Tyler kept his head down, ducking it down, down into his lap. He cradled his head in his arms, holding himself. He hoped the sound of the fireworks overpowered the sound of his sobs. Nobody cared. Who would be left to care for him now?

Would anyone care, if nobody cared?

-

Tyler went home mute, in two-day-old clothes after a night of crying in an alleyway. When he knocked on the front door, his mother answered. She took the sides of his face and looked at him. He didn't make eye contact. He said nothing. Had she already heard?

"Tyler." She took her hands back, bringing one of them up to cover her mouth as if she was overjoyed or terrified or speechless or all three. "You're home?"

He nodded. He wasn't ready to speak to her or to anyone. She took this like fine wine, tasting it, but delightfully so. With a smile, she whispered, "Your father won't be pleased."

He nodded at this again, a small, quick one followed by adverted eyes. It was his father that terrified him. He knew he wouldn't be welcomed with open arms.

"W-we gave most of your things to Jay.. honey, we didn't think you were coming back."

"Coming back?" Chris Joseph was in the doorway now, looking down at his son. Tyler refused to make eye contact. He wasn't going to beg to be let back in the house, he understood that he was the one who chose to left. Everything his father likely had to say to him, he was well aware of. "I decide if he gets to come back or not."

"Chris," pleased Mrs. Joseph, tugging at her husband's arm. "Please. It was a misunderstanding. Wasn't it, Tyler?"

Tyler gulped. He opened his mouth; but only swallowed to close it again, firm. He shook his head slowly, watching the hope in his mother's eyes fade to fear. He couldn't lie to them, because that would be lying to himself.

"I told you, he's a faggot." And then to Tyler, "Get the hell off of my front porch."

Tyler stood his ground. He licked his lips. Cleared his throat, and spoke. "No, dad."

"Excuse me? You are most certainly not welcome in this home, boy. Get gone now. You chose to leave, so stay gone."

"No." Tyler pursed his lips together. "I'm gay. I'm a s-sinner. But that doesn't mean you don't love me-" his voice cracked. "That doesn't mean I don't deserve to be l-loved. If god truly forgives all, he'll forgive me."

A stinging slap across the face brought tears to Tyler's eyes. He forced himself to continue, though, "I-I love boys. I don't believe god'll punish me for loving. Of all things, loving too much is a sin that should be forgiven, don't you think?" He took a shaky breath. "Can't you forgive me? A-accept me?"

Past his parents, further into the house, there was Mandy peering from the staircase. And beside her was Jay. And there, further up the stairs, there was Zack. They'd all heard what Tyler had to say.

Mr. Joseph's hand, raised in the air and prepared to slap his son again, slowly fell. Something in his gaze changed, something in his face adjusted. Tyler's mother had tears in her eyes.

"I accept you," whispered Mrs. Joseph, earning a stern glare from her husband but she paid it no attention. Tyler was embraced in a tight hug. When she pulled back from her son, it was only to face Mr. Joseph. "Please, Chris. For our family. If God forgives, can't we?"

Tyler was sobbing when Mr. Joseph made a fierce eye contact with him. If he wasn't going to do it for Tyler, he would have to do it for his family, for the people at his church, to put up the grand facade that the Joseph's were a Christian, professional, happy family. The best way to do this was to keep the family together at least. It was with this, probably, that Chris looked down at his son and nodded, very slow but there. It was then that Tyler knew. It would take some time, but he would be accepted.

He smiled through the tears, walking into his house with his mother. When Mr. Joseph retired to the living room, Maddy engrossed her brother in a tight hug, making Tyler laugh. "Hey Mads."

"You're gay?"

"Yeah. I am."

"Okay." She let go of him, smiling. "Thanks for letting us know." This made the two of them laugh heartedly. Jay gave him a hug, too, but it was a little more hesitant. Tyler understood. It was a new development in their relationship, his being gay- it would take getting used to.

But he was surprised when Jay murmured, "it's okay. I still love you." Tyler cried a little at that.

When they were done, Tyler finally allowed his gaze to travel up each individual stair. Allowed his eyes to lock with Zack's. They stared at each other for a while, and Tyler noticed even from a distance how swollen and awkward looking his brother's nose was, tilted at an odd angle and red with inflammation. He felt a pang of regret in his gut. Zack stood up and walked back up the stairs. It was with Zack, his brother, that the most adjustments would have to be made. It would take the most work with him to make things like they were before.

Later, at dinner, Tyler cried randomly, just as he was being passed the peas and carrots, tears drilling into his hamburger, and his mother had to pull him out of the dining room to talk to him about it. They were in the living room and his vision was blurry.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

Joshua William Dun was wrong. The euphoria of making things right at home had only lasted for a few hours. The grief had returned, slowly but all at once at that dinner table. Perhaps it was Zack's state that triggered it, perhaps it was not. Whatever it was it consumed him completely, sadness reaching his gut.

"There's this boy."