Youth || Joshler

18: Tyler Hates The Universe

Ten minutes later into the night, she knew. She knew about Josh- of course, Tyler left out his name and the fact that he was an older teacher, giving off the impression that this mysterious boy was around Tyler's age. What he'd told her wasn't nearly the beginning of it, but she knew that their relationship was meant to be a secret, and she knew that it was in jeopardy. She knew enough.

"Why can't you tell me his name," Mrs. Joseph stubbornly prodded. Stubbornness ran in the family, it seemed.

Tyler sighed and ran a hand through his chocolates hair, having to make up some sort of lie. The truth wasn't applicable in this situation. "His parents don't know that he's.. uh, that he's gay."

"Oh." She gave him a wistful nod. "That's okay then."

"I'm just scared I'm going to loose him," whispered the teenager, knitting his brows together and staring at the living-room carpet with such an intensity. "I really love him, ma."

She took his face by the cheeks, caressing them and sighing softly. "Darling, if you love him, you need to wait for him to come back to you."

"Hm?"

"I know you, Tyler. You'll call him and text him about how you're sorry about what happened, as if it was your fault to begin with.. and it's not so much of giving him space now, as it is giving you space."

"What do you mean?" Tyler bit his bottom lip in habit, gently tugging at the flesh between his teeth.

"I mean, if he loves you, he'll come back to you and you'll get through it together. Because he's the one who left that courtyard, baby.. it's his job to come back." She made soothing motions with her thumb across his cheek. "And if he doesn't come back.. then it wasn't worth it in the first place."

Tyler mumbled, "I-I'm not sure if I can wait, ma.."

"If you love him, you will."

After their discussion, the two of them returned to the table and finished dinner. Strange enough, everything was oddly peaceful. When he was finished with his food and had scraped and rinsed his plate in the kitchen, Tyler went up to his room.

He closed the door behind himself, gazing around, trying to find something to do to keep himself preoccupied. There seemed to be nothing in sight to quench his oncoming boredom, however; after a few minutes of scrolling through social media it became extremely apparent to him that there wouldn't be anything to please him. There was only one thing he wanted: it was Josh.

And as he reflected on Josh, laying in his bed in surrender to his boredom, staring up at his plain plastered ceiling, he wondered if he deserved Tyler's time after all. He really fucking missed him, of course, but he was the one who had left after all, and was he even really worth it if he was the one who couldn't deal with the mess that they'd started together? He ran away. The mess was his to clean up, the puzzle his to piece together. It was his call. And even so, even if he made all the right moves, how could he possibly make it up to Tyler?

There seemed to be no answer. Tyler laid there until he fell asleep.

-

The morning was a bright one, the sunlight falling through the cracks of Tyler's blinds. They might as well have been on a mission to blind him. He woke up with an uncomfortable groan, shifting away to the sunlight falling on his eyelid, hiding his face under his pillow in tired search of shelter. Just as he was about to fall asleep again, it was just his luck that his alarm would start blaring in his room. The universe hated Tyler Joseph. And vice versa.