Summer After High School

39

Brian

"Tammy, I just wanted to say Goodbye. I don't think you'll see me around often anymore," I hear him tell her.

"What? Are you going somewhere or something? What are you talking about? " she responds.

I stand watching them talk, totally aware that they're unaware of my presence.

"Morning Kyle, Morning Tammy, " I greet for my presence to be acknowledged.

"Brian, I didn't hear you come down. You're leaving now? " she asks looking at the box in my possession, the box which contains the clothes I've been using in the moments I've spent in her house.

I nod in response. "Yeah, I really appreciate everything okay? Tell Uncle Chucky I left early. "

"But Nanny Rachael just started making breakfast.
Why don't you.. "

"it's fine, Tammy. I'll eat at home."

She paces around the living room and says "Great! The closest guys to me in my life right now are telling me goodbye!"

"I'm not saying goodbye, Tammy."

Yet, I'm not saying goodbye yet but she doesn't have to know that yet.

"And what about you Kyle? You're really saying goodbye? "

He shakes his head and speaks for the first time since he noticed my presence, " I just need to lay low-key, you'll still hear from me, just not often as usual. "

She rolls her eyes and starts giving a speech about how she'll show up at our doorsteps if we dare to tell her goodbye then she hugs us individually and walks us to the door.

When she closes the door behind her we both stand beside each other, no words exchanged between us.

"You are in love with her, aren't you? " I break the silence.

" It is that transparent?" comes the response.

A little laughter escapes from my mouth, "You should see the way you look at her, Kyle. There's this concern, this passion, this vulnerability that reflects in your eyes whenever you see her. That night, that night when I saw you dancing with her, when I saw the  mixture of emotions in your eyes, I knew without doubts that you were in love with her."

"it'd be easy for you to detect because you were looking at her exactly the same way that night,
Brian. " he says.

The memories of that night comes to play in my head in bits, her in his arms, the pleas I made , the tears we shed and the pain we felt by the end of the night. I press my left palm lightly against my forehead as I feel a headache building up there.

"Brian. You say you love her, so why did you do that to her? Why did you choose to destroy something you've always wanted? "

I shrug and fight back the tears that always comes to mind when I ponder on that question. "You know why, don't you? You just want to me say it. "

He nods, "I want to know if you know why you did
it. "

I rub my forehead slightly before speaking, " I did love Paige, I still do. But I was selfish and that selfishness prevented me from loving her completely, from giving her the kind of genuine love she deserves. I did love her but the only aspect of love I showed her was my feelings. My selfishness prevented me from totally loving her. "

He shakes his head. "I tried to warn you but you were over confident. "

"There's not a single day that I don't regret my actions, Kyle. She, she says she's forgiven me but I don't know if I can even forgive myself."