Summer After High School

41

Paige

There are days when I wake up with a smile on my face, eager to open the heavy curtains darkening my room and eager to let the rays of the sun kiss my skin. Today isn't one of those days, today I have no desire to rise from my bed and I am pretty sure I like the dark effect the closed curtain is adding to my room right now.

There's a knock on my door. I pretend I don't hear it because I don't even have the energy to get the door.

There's another knock and this time a voice accompanies it, "Morning Princesses, Breakfast will be ready in a few. You girls should come eat," the voice says.

I bury my face In my pillow and try not to scream. Why is it morning already? I feel like I haven't had enough sleep. When I remove my face from the pillow, I see her sleeping peacefully and I slightly kick her.

"Ouch! " she screams.

"You girls okay in there? " Dad asks, still standing outside my door.

"Yeah dad, " I say or I think I say.

"It's morning already, we have to get up, breakfast is almost ready," I say, giving her another kick.

"How can it be morning already? " she mumbles.

So I'm not the only one who thinks morning came too fast? Great!

"Are you, Are you girls still asleep? "

"No, Mr. Benson, we'll be available for breakfast right away," Brenda mumbles.

It takes all the energy in my body for me to rise from my bed and open my curtains. The sun smiles at me but I don't smile back. Brenda and I lazily drag ourselves to the bathroom to clean up. I wash my face and start brushing my teeth as I stare at my reflection in the mirror and that's when it happens. Memories from yesterday creep into my head, how Kyle's lips felt on mine, the scary thing I felt in my heart as our lips intertwined, the feeling of never wanting his lips to stop what they were doing to me, the confusion in his eyes when I slapped him and the embarrassment I felt.

"Thinking of Kyle again? "  Brenda's voice interrupts my thoughts.

When she arrived here last night, I told her everything that happened between me and him and In a way she managed to comfort me without even speaking of it.

I nod my head. "I'm confused, I think I'm attracted to him but I don't know how that's possible. I mean, it's just been months I ended things with Brian and I don't want to admit it but there's a part of me that still feels something for Brian. So why does my heart race in Kyle's presence? It just doesn't make any sense. "

She smiles so faintly that I almost don't see it. "Paige, the cycle of love is starting again and you're scared to embrace it. "

No. No. No.

"It does not make any sense. How can I love someone else when the hurt of what another did to me still lingers? Am I not supposed to heal before loving again? "

"Paige, healing comes in different forms. Maybe this is your own healing, to love another who would return the love and fix all your broken pieces. "

"No. No. What if he what he does to my heart isn't healing but further breaking? "

Sadness paints her face, "To be honest with you, Paige. There's no way we would know the answer to that question until you try. You've known Kyle for a while, you have your perspective on the kind of guy you think he is, you can study him for a longer amount of time and then decide if you actually want to give someone like him control over your heart. If he really loves you as you claim, he will wait as you study him, you don't have to tell him you're studying him of course or he could just create a false impression of himself. It's a risk that you have to figure out if it is worth taking. "