Summer After High School

42

Brian

I sit at the airport, wondering if I'd miss my flight, waiting for her to come. My parents would be upset with me if that happened, it really took great effort to convince them to let me go but this is something I need to do. Wouldn't it be insane to forfeit something I need to do just to let my eyes feed on her sight? Wouldn't it be insane to skip my flight to see her when the purpose of my flight is to stop seeing her? Insane or not, it doesn't matter because insane is okay when it comes to her.

I glance at my wrist watch and my heart skips a beat. Please, Paige come. I have to see you before I proceed on my journey to stop seeing you. Please, baby come. Don't make me miss this flight. Another glance at my wrist watch. I wouldn't blame her if she doesn't show up, I don't even deserve to see her one last time, do I? What do I do now? Run to her house to see her? That wouldn't end well, I'm sure everyone in her home dislikes me  now. What do I do now? I have to see her before I let her go.

My thoughts are battling with themselves in my mind,  my head is begining to ache from confusion and my heart is racing frantically. I feel a storm of emotions building up in me. I stand, not even knowing the next move I'm going to make , I only know that I have to make a move if I want to see her. The war between my thoughts is getting worse. I pick up my phone to text her and that's when I see her. She's in a black short dress and her hair is in a messy bun, she smiles as she walks towards me and the war among my thoughts is replaced with peace. The rate of my heart beat gets even faster. It gets so loud that I can almost hear it.

"Hey Brian," she says, when she's close to me.

Her voice fills me with elation, I'm not so sure I want to let her go anymore.

"You came. I wasn't sure you would. "

She smiles again but this time her eyes doesn't, " I wasn't sure I would, either. "

Silence engulfs us as we glance at each other. There's something about seeing someone you're in love with and knowing you might never get the chance to see them again, there is this need that seeps through your veins and flows to your bloodstream, the feeling of pulling them into your arms and refusing to let go of that embrace, the feeling of tasting their lips and fueling all the passions you might never be able to give them again into the kiss you share with them. It becomes a worse feeling when you know you can't do any of that, when you know that you can't do what you desire the most to do because the person you're in love with isn't yours.

"Why are you leaving? " she breaks the silence.

"This process of getting over you is so hard, Paige. I have to go in order to be able to let you go. I wish I didn't have to but this is something I need to do. "

She fixes her gaze to the floor and says, "You wouldn't have needed to do this if you hadn't killed us. "

The truth in her words are so heavy that it crushes my heart and fills me with regrets.

"I know, baby. And as much as you claim to have forgiven me, I sincerely do not know if I could ever forgive myself. It's something I'm hoping to happen as I try to get over you,  that I would eventually forgive myself for killing you, for killing us."

Her eyes go dim and her lips almost takes the form of an inverted U. "I'm going to miss you, idiot," she says, punching my right shoulder.

It is a simple sentence but it's meaning is momentous to me. How can she even stand talking to me after all I did to her?

"It breaks me to do this. It breaks me to leave but it would destroy me to stay and watch him love you." I place my hands on her shoulders and continue speaking," Paige, I'm not just leaving because I want to heal, I'm also leaving because I want you to heal. A girl with such a beautiful soul like yours deserves happiness, the kind of happiness I couldn't give you."