Faded // Bang Chan

Chapter 20 - The tutor

Chan held his head low as he walked along the narrow footpath to his house. Dongwoo's words from before were a never ending cycle in his head, causing his chest to feel tight. 

"Don't trust Na Ri. She's not who you think she is." 

What could he possibly have meant by that? Chan had always felt slightly suspicious that she'd transferred to his school in the middle of a semester when the school year was already so close to ending but it was never a thought he often contemplated. Chan couldn't help but wonder if maybe all along he had been searching for answers in the wrong places when the person that could piece it all together was right in front of him the whole time.

"I'm home!" He called as he walked in the front door to his small house. "Chan!" He heard his mother exclaim in relief as her short frame came into sight. She immediately froze in her tracks when she saw the blood on his face and the multiple bruises. Her look of relief quickly washed away, replaced with disappointment. "Channie." She whispered as she lifted his chin, tilting his head to face different angles while she examined the damage. 

"I'm sorry, Mum. I really am. I did-" He began but stopped when she released her grip and took a step back, sensing that now wasn't the time for excuses. "Save it." She mumbled under her breath. "You promised me things would be different! You promised you'd try to make things right! You said you didn't want to tear this family apart, Chan! Do you have any idea how difficult it is to defend you and trust you when you are repeating old habits over and over again? It's tiring! I don't want to give up on you but I'm losing all hope here. Can't you see that? This family is struggling." Hot tears began to fall as she fell to the floor in despair, the two years of built up emotions finally getting the better of her.

Chan watched, feeling broken at the sight. He knew her words were true but nonetheless they stung him all over. "Mum." He murmured as he knelt down beside her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry life turned out this way because of me." Chan held her close to him as her body trembled in his arms. He'd always known she was finding it hard and her brave face was just a facade. Chan wasn't the only one who's life changed after In Ho's death. His whole family suffered, his dad's business began to fail, nobody would speak to his mother and both his younger siblings begged to move in with their grandparents to avoid the bullying. He'd destroyed not only himself but his family, In Ho's family and all of their shared classmates. 

"Sorry doesn't fix things. I'll always love you but things can't go on like this." She replied through her sobs. Chan didn't know how to respond, he couldn't possibly. How could he when everything she said made sense? 

"Maybe I should just turn myself in again?" He pondered aloud and his mother tensed. "No!" She exclaimed, grasping his arms tightly for support. "You can't! You know how that turned out last time." She began wiping her tears, trying her best to revert to her normal strong self for her oldest son's sake. The pair thought back to the massive amount of reporters camped out on their doorstep after Chan's confession to the killing but with very little evidence pointing to Chan and only one witness statement the case was quickly dismissed, taking with it Chan's previous life.

"Just stop skipping school, okay? Keep your head down and do well at school and then as soon as you graduate we'll leave with your brother and sister. This is your last year here. You can do it, right?" His mother's voice was laced with hope but the look in her eyes told Chan she wasn't confident in him. He nodded and sat silently as she hugged him only to be interrupted by the phone ringing. She quickly got up and rushed to get it, leaving Chan on the floor alone.

Chan woke up the next day with a new mindset. "Today will be a decent day, Chan. You've got this!" He muttered to his reflection in the mirror. He nodded to himself before slinging his bag over his shoulder and leaving out the front door. The sun was shining and the sky was bright blue which instantly gave Chan a positive feeling and a small smile on his pale face.