Faded // Bang Chan

Epilogue - Purpose

She stared at the photo of him in her yearbook that lay open on her bed. Na Ri traced the outline of Chan's face with her finger, admiring his pale complexion that was nearly the same colour as the white backdrop behind him.

It had been two long hard months since Chan died, leaving her behind to pick up the pieces of her life that seemed to be lost. She missed him with every breath she took, every step she travelled and in every silence that passed. Nothing had been the same since he'd left her, nothing made sense anymore. He consumed her every thought. He was all she thought about, all she ever saw when she shut her eyes. She knew her decision was the right one, it was the only way to stop the aching she felt inside.

She closed the yearbook, not wanting to think of the fact that the only signature she wanted in it would never be there. Na Ri placed the book in her suitcase before zipping it up with a sigh. She needed distance, she needed to get away from the constant reminders of him that would haunt her whenever she walked past convenience stores or parks or even schools. He was everywhere yet nowhere at all.

Every night she saw him but he wasn't how she remembered him. Instead of his bright smile and warm eyes all she saw was him laying on the floor kicking and screaming for help, his face bruised and blood gushing out of the gash on his head. She had the same nightmare every night since Dongwoo's confession was made public. She could never shake the image of Dongwoo repeatedly smashing Chan's head onto the concrete ground.

A light knock sounded from her bedroom door before her father's head popped around it. "I thought we agreed to keep this door open?" He raised an eyebrow at her. She didn't react, not that he expected her to, she had barely spoken since Chan's death. He couldn't help but worry about the safety of his only daughter. It was obvious she hadn't taken the news well, she rarely ate, she didn't sleep and she spent most of her time sitting in silence while staring at walls.

"We'll be leaving in an hour so make sure you packed what you want." He said softly, watching as she stared at her feet. Na Ri waited for him to leave before she allowed her silent tears to spill down her face. She hated leaving her dad behind but she couldn't expect him to leave his life and come to London with her. For a brief moment she wished she'd never come here. She hated Chan for making her feel this way but she hated herself more for not being there for him when he needed someone. She should never have left his house in a bad mood that night, maybe then he wouldn't have gone. Maybe then he'd still be here.

The doorbell downstairs rang, sending a short musical tune throughout the house. Na Ri wiped at her tears with the sleeve of her hoodie, nervous in case it was another visit from a classmate to check on her which would make it the sixth one just this week alone.

She wished they'd all just leave her alone. She didn't want their pity or sympathy. They didn't care when he was alive so why should they care now that he isn't.

News of Na Ri's departure to England had travelled around the community fast. People always whispered whenever she'd pass by them, surely gossiping about the tragedy that had struck her life.

"Na Ri?" Her father called from downstairs as he always did when someone would visit. "Mrs. Bang is here." He continued, sparking an interest in Na Ri. She had been meaning to visit Chan's family before she left but a part of her was reluctant. What if she was just a painful reminder to them? What if they were a painful reminder to her?

"Morning." She greeted Na Ri once she got to the door but it wasn't in her usually cheerful tone. Na Ri bowed and muttered a greeting in reply but neither of the two were the same people they once were. Na Ri's dad left the pair to talk alone but he couldn't help but wonder why she would suddenly visit. There were so many things he didn't understand about the last few months of his daughter's life but he didn't know how to approach her. She wouldn't speak of Chan, Bo Ra or what happened the night he died. It was as though none of it ever happened.