Faded // Bang Chan

Chapter 28 - Ticking Time Bomb

"I should really get going now." Na Ri pulled away from the uncomfortable embrace, no longer feeling sorry for the blubbering mess beside her. 

"I need to tell you something else. The real reason on why I brought you somewhere private today." Jungsoo pulled a piece of folded paper from his uniform blazer pocket and held it out to her. She exchanged a nervous glance between the paper in his hand and his sad eyes, unsure on whether she really wanted to know what was written on the paper. 

"Take it! Before you read this, I want you to read the paper that Seul Bi put into your bag that day in the cafeteria. I bet you forgot all about that, right?" Jungsoo put on his best fake smile as a sign of reassurance but it was only a mask to hide his true feeling, fear. Jungsoo was terrified of what was written on the letter that had been put into Na Ri's bag. He had a rough idea of its content but knowing it could potentially be the missing piece in the puzzle of In Ho's troubles overwhelmed him with anxiety, however, he knew in order to regain her trust he needed her to know all that he knew. 

"I didn't forget, I simply chose not to read it. It's addressed to Chan so I don't think I should read it before he does." Na Ri stated as she took the letter from his hand and placed it on the bed beside them. "At least read the one I just gave you. I didn't tell you but after we saw Ji Yeon at In Ho's grave I managed to get Bo Ra to give me her contact information and she gladly gave me both letters." He explained, hoping to sway her mind. 

Na Ri sighed and rolled her brown eyes before grabbing the letter and opening it to be met with In Ho's neat writing. A gasp escaped her lips at the realisation of the letter's intention and she snapped her head up to look at Jungsoo. 

"Are you sure about this, Jungsoo?" She eyed the boy warily who just silently nodded in reply. She was apprehensive as to why he was so persistent on this but she knew by the desperate look in his eye that this was something he wanted. She raised an eyebrow before slowly tracing her eyes over the first paragraph, carefully reading each sentence aloud.

October 14th 2015

How did it ever turn out this way? It was never supposed to be like this for you or me. If you're reading this, it's because it's too late and I'm no longer around. I never intended to write this to you as you did nothing to deserve such a burden in your life but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. 

You were my first real friend outside of Chan and I'm grateful for that privilege. I want to thank you for the time you spent training me for the soccer team and for how supportive you always were towards me and I'm sorry for how things have ended between us. I could always count on you when I needed someone and that means a lot to me. 

I never meant to hurt you, Jungsoo. You don't know how bad I felt after hearing your confession to me. I'm sorry I avoided you and dropped out of the team, I know you blamed yourself for that but you weren't the main reason on why I did that. I just needed space. I needed to find myself again and learn to be truly okay on my own. I thought by quitting it would give me time to focus on myself and fix my issues but it only made things worse. 

I admit, I gave up on myself. There was nothing you could've done to help me and I truly hope you don't hold yourself accountable. You didn't give up on me, you didn't let me die. You didn't push me to it. I did this all to myself. 

Promise me one thing? You'll never give up on yourself or blame yourself for my actions? 

I hope you lead a good life. That's the very least you deserve.