The Maestro | RusAme |

Thirty

"We can try," He said shortly, although he still didn't feel content.

He had to know what was going through her head when she left him to be with Gilbert. He hoped she wouldn't say that she saw more in her current roommate than him. Although it did cause him grief and worry, he was still sure that he wanted what he had with Amelia again.

"Why did you cheat on me?" He asked her in a hushed, uncertain voice.

"I felt like I wasn't worth your time..." She admitted shamefully, closing her eyes so she wouldn't lose composure. She breathed in deeply through her nose, and exhaled through her mouth.

Ivan only shook his head, a little surprised by her answer. "I find that hard to believe. Everyone loves you, and you are pretty and you have such a kind heart," he took her hand gently, telling her, "I do not see how you could find yourself any worse than me."

He understood her sentiments, though he felt that she had no reason to doubt herself, seeing as she was so likeable. All his life he was tossed aside, last picked, even feared at times. She had it so much easier, being able to make friends and keep them.

She retorted, "You were leaving to go to a big conservatory, and I was staying behind and going to community college. You had a future ahead of you, and you're here now!"

She found herself back in the place she was when she started to grow apart from him. Doubting her self worth while she sat here with someone who had been around the world and back before even finishing school.

"But you said it yourself," Ivan argued, "You are more than happy with teaching, and you are glad to know the kids you have in your classes."

She sighed, "I know. Before I started teaching, I didn't have a sense of purpose, and now I feel like I do. But there are still times where I feel like I'm missing something that I had the opportunity to have." She relaxed herself, realizing she'd tensed up talking to him.

He could feel her hand loosen, and suspected that she had realized what it was. He waited patiently for her to speak, letting her figure out what she wanted to relay to him. She took a deep breath and spoke what was on her mind.

"I wasn't really considering what I wanted to do in the future, and I wasn't thinking of you, I guess. I was missing you this whole time because I wanted more when I already had what I needed. You were in the back of my mind for forever, and I felt so awful..."

Ivan sighed, "I am glad to know that I have someone that would think of me that much, and for so long... But I wish that rather than spending years apart, we could have fixed this before it went too far. I should have grown a spine-" he felt her her hand slip from his to put a finger on his lips, shushing him.

"Why is it that when something's my fault, it's also yours?" She asked, though this time her question was serious. She figured that if they were just going to talk about any issues they had, she  might as well ask. He couldn't find an answer short enough to explain in a sentence. He asked another question in return.

"Well, do you want the one hour, or the five hour version?"

Amelia didn't laugh at his dorky response this time. "Don't worry, we have all night. Why?"

He took a moment to form a reasonable, yet brief answer, despite it being as taxing on his brain as it was.

"It is because it is in my nature to take the blame." He decided he didn't want to elaborate any further than that, so he stopped himself. He folded his hands in his lap again, looking down at them and to the right again to avoid Amelia's intensely piercing gaze.

Although she knew not to press any further, because she could tell that he was made slightly uncomfortable by her asking him all of these questions, she kept asking him since she had spilled everything to him. If they were going to have a healthy relationship, she wanted to know everything. No secrets, nothing to hide.