Sex, Chocolate, Rock N Roll

/ / 13. I'M NOT INTO YOU / /

Staying with Matty wasn't anything like Ellie expected. They became more distant than close, awkward than comfortable, and quiet than loud. Making it through the first week was the most complicated, being that all they ever wanted to do was to fuck. The only thing coming in between was Alex and how wrong it was, even though they already had before.

Matty spent so much time with the guys and their music, he hadn't had much time to care at all. He'd rather have things back the way they were, not having any one specific girl to owe his time to. All the worry of not hurting Ellie and making sure she was alright became tiring, and he didn't know what happened between them messing around and now to make his head spin so much.

Ellie was just a girl after all, breaking hearts like the rest. Sleeping around with him, hiding from her own twisted relationship, and not wanting to commit to either one of the two. Somehow Matty didn't mind having his heart broken by her, but it was time she gave it a rest and he could persuade her.

He rung the doorbell of the Moore home, giving Alex a proper visit at last. Mrs. Moore opened the door, smiling as she saw him.

"Matthew! Hi, here for Alex?" Her asking made him nervous, she couldn't know anything about him and Ellie...

He nodded quickly, playing it cool, "hi, yeah, he is here, right? Or is he back at the apartment?" He asked.

"He's here sweetheart, he's upstairs, in his old bedroom." She let him in, shutting the door behind him as he straggled in.

"Alright, thanks." A fake smile flashed at Mrs. Moore as he made his way up the stairs. He first passed Ellie's room, making it to Alex's. Ellie was back at his flat, and knowing so made him feel strange being in her home.

He knocked on the door, The Smiths playing loudly, drowning the sound of a "come in," from Alex.

Matty pushed the door open, shutting it behind him and seeing Alex organizing his favorite records and boxing them, he supposed to take back to his place.

"Hey." He said, turning off "This Night Has Opened My Eyes." To his surprise Alex looked perfectly fine, minus a cut on the side of his face.

"Hey man, its good to see you." He set the record in hand down, going over to Matty and hugging him.

Matty hugged him back, tightly, happy that he was okay. He held onto the side of his stomach as they tore apart from one another, trying to hide the pain which laid underneath as best he could.

"How are you feeling? Shit, I was so scared when I heard what happened..." Matty confessed, with having to hold back every fear inside him just to keep Ellie from going insane, he couldn't help but to express how he felt as he had the chance.

A sarcastic laugh escaped Alex's mouth slightly, "if you were scared why didn't you see me?"

"What? I did...I was there." Matty said.

"Once. You didn't even come in." Alex said, looking at him.

"I couldn't they wouldn't allow it, they told us family only, Alex." Matty explained.

"Right."

"You don't believe me?"

"I do." Alex said, going back to his records.

"Why won't you even look at me?" Matty took the record from his hands, his guilt taking him for a ride.

"Everyone else came when they allowed visitors and where were you?"

Robbing a bank.

"Alex, I can't tell you where I was but I can't express enough how much I really do care and how much I would have been there if I could..." He said, "you're my best mate..." He said, trying to hold back the tears which collected at the very thought of anything having happened to him.

There was a silence between them, both of them hurting the same.

Alex looked him in the eyes, seeing an honest and hopeless apology. He didn't know if it was right or wrong, that without thinking he leaned in and kissed Matty.

Matty's heart raced in his chest, pushing Alex off, "what are you doing?!"

They both stared at one another, feeling lost.

"I..." Alex lost for words, shook his head, regretting the moment he'd always imagined to workout...the moment he'd always imagined Matty would kiss him back and feel the same way.

Like their friendship was always more than it seemed. Every moment they'd spent together and every trial they'd faced. His eyes glistened as his heart began to ache.

"I'm not..." Matty didn't know what to say himself, so many thoughts yapping at him at once, "I'm not...into you."

The silence continued until Mrs. Moore opened the door, "hey Matty did you want to stay for dinner? I was thinking we--"

"I'm sorry, I have to go." He rushed out of the bedroom, without looking back.

"Is everything alright?" Mrs. Moore asked.

"Mum can I be alone?" Alex asked.

Matty hurried down the stairs, opening the front door and stepping out, hanging onto the door knob as he shut it behind him, not knowing how supportive of a friend he was being to leave...Do I stay, or do I go? He sighed, trying to catch his breath in which he held onto for the longest time.

He let go slowly, grabbing a cigarette from his coat pocket and lighting it up.