"Something keeps me holding onto nothing." - Taylor Swift
"This isn't too cute, right?" I asked Kaila as I modeled for myself in front of my full length mirror. Today is Ian's welcome home party; I want to look presentable, but not like I am trying to impress anyone. There's only one person I aim to impress, Joel, and I don't have to do much of that since we are already together.
"You look hot," Kaila nodded.
"I don't want to look hot," I groaned. "I want to look presentable."
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Josie, you look presentable." My outfit was rather simple: a plain rose colored romper. I left my hair natural and decided against jewelry in case we ended up swimming in the pool or the ocean.
I've always been extremely against putting heat on my hair when I know I'm going to be getting it wet within the next few hours.
"Why does it matter anyway?" Kaila asked as she brushed her hair back into a ponytail. I rose my eyebrow, not sure what she meant. "Who cares what you look like, right? If there is really nothing going on between you and Ian, and no chance of it, what does it matter?"
She wanted me to admit to something I refuse to say out loud. To anyone.
How am I supposed to know there is no chance anything is going on between Ian and I? I love Joel, and I would never cheat on him, but how am I supposed to just know that my emotional connection with Ian is gone?
There really is no surefire way to tell, which is why I'd like to avoid the conversation at all costs.
In saying that, I ignored Kaila's question and grabbed my beach bag.
"Are you ready?
She nodded, grabbing her bag as well.
A good half of the drive was spent in silence between Kaila and I. We were both on edge for different reasons, yet similar at the same time. The similarity being they both involved the one and only, Ian Miller.
I don't know exactly what, but a secret was exchanged between the two of them before Ian left, one I know nothing about. As much as I want to know, it's none of my business because I know it had nothing to do with them together. It's something so deep that in four years I still haven't managed to get out of her.
"Are you nervous for Joel to meet Ian?" Kaila asked as she stared out the window aimlessly.
"Not really," I lied. Truth is, I am nervous. What if Joel doesn't like or trust Ian? If he doesn't trust him, will he not want me to be acquainted with Ian anymore? I don't know how long Ian will be here, and I don't want to lose either of them for the time they are around.
"I know you are, Jos, I can see right through you. And it's okay to be. They are both important to you."
I continued to drive, taking in Kaila's words. I didn't expect her to understand, which is the primary reasoning behind my lie, but she does. I don't know why I'm even surprised; we have been friends for 17 years, of course she'd understand.
The fact that we have been friends for 17 years is what convinced me to ask the question I've been dying to ask for four years.
"What did you tell Ian before he left?"
Kaila's head snapped in my direction for a second, pure shock written across her face, before she regained her composure.
"Nothing."
YOU ARE READING
Been Here All Along
Teen Fiction"Ian Miller was the light. He made everything better and everything easier. When I had to wake up at 7 in the morning, I didn't mind as much because I knew I'd get to see Ian. In every situation, Ian saw the positives and was the light at the end of...
