Been Here All Along

17| again

"Today's the day because yesterday wasn't." - E.D

Almost a week has passed since Joel left; I'm not even going to lie, I've called him almost every night since. It's hard to just stop talking to the one person you've talked to everyday since practically the day you met.

I had to do it with Ian, it's so hard. I want to make sure Joel and I stay friends and stay in touch, so that when he does come home, we aren't strangers to each other.

In these past 6 days since Joel left, I've become more in touch with my emotions, specifically my emotions toward Ian.

I love him endlessly. I knew from the minute we met that he was going to be someone special in my life. He's my soulmate. Ian leaving took a toll on our relationship, obviously. It was four years no contact. Now, he's a reserve soldier that can be called into active duty at any given moment. I know what it's like to have Ian ripped away from me abruptly; that's when I learned I don't have all the time in the world. That's why I'm done wasting time. If I'm still in love with Ian, I need to tell him before it's too late.

So I knocked on the door to his apartment.

"Hey, Josie Elle, unexpected surprise," he smirked.

I was rather down in the dumps this past week, dealing with everything, and Ian was a huge help, much like Joel was a help to me when Ian had left.

I did see Ian earlier today, for his therapy session, but today was not as intense as sessions in the past have been. He was rather calm afterwards, so we had both just gone home. Well, Ian went home, I sat in a restaurant for like an hour by myself as I thought through what exactly I'm about to say to him.

"Come on in," he insisted, stepping aside.

I've only been inside of Ian's apartment once since he arrived home and that was when he barely had any furniture. Now his entire apartment was filled with furniture, paintings, photos, and knick-knacks. It looked awesome.

"Your apartment looks great," I complimented, still taking it in. It wasn't very spacious, but it was the perfect size for one male. He handled the decorating great, too, as there was a good amount of positive and negative space.

"Thanks," he smiled. "I'm not gonna lie, Hayden's wife picked everything out. I've been redecorating to figure out where I want everything since."

Oh, yeah, I forgot Hayden's married. He got married two years ago, but I couldn't get myself to fly out to Massachusetts and be around Ian's family. I was just learning how to be okay without thinking of Ian all of the time. For my own sake, I declined the invitation to attend and sent my wedding gift through the mail.

"What's her name again?" I asked.

"Penelope," he answered. "I've only met her once, but she's a really great woman. She's a work from home interior designer."

"I can't wait to meet her one day," I said, without even thinking. It wasn't that big of a deal, but it was definitely unnatural considering where Ian and I stand right now.

Moreover, the fact we don't understand where we stand right now.

Ian looked around him for a second as if he contemplating his next words. "Funny you mention that." I can't remember the last time Ian's looked so nervous. "I'm leaving on Monday to go see my family, and I'd love it if you came along."

   His nerves made sense now because I could feel them myself. Going to Massachusetts could be a huge step for the two of us, even though he doesn't know I'm broken up with Joel yet. Would telling him before the trip even be appropriate?