Willfully Blind

CHAPTER 12 Doomed from the Start

Lisa's rehearsal officially sucked. She couldn't decide if the entire squad was off or if she was just being overly critical. She ended early, still feeling drained and emotionally exhausted after her and Dirk's monkey business a few days prior. She wasn't surprised to find him gone when she got home. Good. She really didn't want to see him anyway. Her "pisstivity" level was still pretty high. Why was she so surprised by Mr. Magnetism himself? His reliable disloyalty was what hurt her the most.

They had been talking about marriage for the last year or so, even loosely making plans to do a destination wedding. It was high time after nine years of exclusive courting; well at least she could confirm it was exclusive on her end. And with the amount of drama he had taken her through, they may as well have been married. She couldn't imagine marriage being any harder.

She had been keeping track in her mind of the length of good times they had together, maybe in some way cursing herself with negative energy. And he was on a roll, actually. Seven drama-free months. No mysterious telephone numbers, no suspicious cell phone calls in the middle of the night, no incidents of female scents in his truck. Just Dirk appearing to make a genuine effort to grow up and act like an adult in a committed relationship. Lisa was doing her part too; finally giving him space to, as he would say, breathe. Not seriously sweating him too much when he wanted to go hang out with the fellas, and she spending occasional nights out with her girls and doing her own thing more often like he always suggested she needed to do. But just as she let her guard down, believing he was finally changing, he returns to his old familiar ways.

He swore it was just an innocent picture with one of his frat's little sister.

"Give me a break, Dirk!" Lisa said, pointing out that the "girl" in no way looked like a little sister with her skimpy outfit.

"She was on her way out and just wanted to say goodbye," he said, laughing her off. "I didn't see any harm in it. Neither should you."

When she asked who the girl's brother was — the girl who apparently had no name — he paused, started snapping his fingers and gave some haphazard name she had never heard.

"I don't think you know him, Lisa. Trust me it was completely innocent." He'd brushed her off. The photo, however, captured a certain countenance that suggested otherwise. The visual didn't appear to be an innocent, friendly little sister to anyone from the outside looking in, and it certainly didn't to her either. She was familiar with the look. She had experienced it a time or two herself hanging out with friends, bar hopping.

After all those years, he still didn't get it. Just an untrustworthy fool getting himself in the same predicament over and over again. She had started typing a comment under the picture, tagging a bunch of their friends, asking for everyone to sound off on rather they thought the photo was something they found appropriate for a person involved in a long-term relationship. She erased it after realizing the post would ultimately only humiliate her further. She certainly didn't need to feel any more foolish than she already did.

Lisa collapsed on their expensive leather sofa, recalling the day she and Dirk picked it out together at some high-end furniture store and tried not to feel sorry for herself. She hated these times. Rare as of late, but nevertheless still painful. She wanted to call her mother and talk to her about it but knew it would backfire on her. Since her mother could barely stand Dirk as it were, his behavior would just be another gripe, confirming what she already believed.

"I just don't feel like he has your best interest at heart, Lisa," she'd said to her on more than one occasion. So reaching out to her was a no-no. Besides, once they made up — if they made up — even if she forgave him, her mother would not be so quick to forget.