Willfully Blind

CHAPTER 32 Peace Out

Lisa sat in her financial planner's office ready to strategize with him about the best way to reconfigure some of her financial goals. It had been two months since her big blow up with Dirk, and she knew it was something she needed to deal with.

"Where's Dirk?" Dennis inquired matter-of-factly. He was sitting behind his desk tapping away and had not bothered to look up from his computer. If he had, he would have noticed Lisa's body language, and it would have been apparent that something was awry, the very reason she had been postponing her visit with him.

"Should we wait or just get started without him?" He looked up and saw Lisa's fingers entwined, looking at the floor.

"He's not coming, Dennis. I'll be honest with you. Things aren't exactly...going well between us so... I was hoping to kinda like take a look at it from just my perspective."

Lisa could tell Dennis was embarrassed at his failure to take notice of what should have been evident and stammered as he continued.

"Oh, uh...okay. I hope you guys—well, I mean, I wish you both the best. Let's go ahead and take a look at your portfolio."

Refocusing on his computer, Dennis tapped away and shooting a million questions at Lisa, just as he normally did. He made suggestions about her 401K and recommended that Lisa be more aggressive in investing her money, particularly with the market doing so well. Then they talked about several possible future "scenarios" with or without Dirk. If they did decide to part ways, Dennis recommended Lisa consider either selling her portion of the condo to Dirk or putting it on the market.

"It's one of the reasons I always recommend couples not purchase property together before saying I do. Not that it will happen with you guys, but I've seen things get pretty messy," he remarked, eyes still glued to the computer screen.

After close to an hour, Lisa left Dennis' office with a much better sense of financial security for herself, but somehow feeling disheartened all over again. Remaining true to her ritual—Dirk had suggested she had OCD potential – Lisa got into her car and tossed her purse on the passenger seat and locked the door. 

She adjusted her rearview mirror, and caught a glimpse of herself in the process, bursting into tears. The thought of placing their home on the market threw off her sense of stability, and for the first time in over a month, she seriously contemplated trying to work things out with him. She dreaded the very thought of leaving Dirk, wondering where she would get the strength to go through with it when the time came. They'd been together for so long he'd become part of her. She suddenly felt like all the progress she'd made in getting herself to a stable and peaceful place was gone, leaving her with feelings of doubt and sadness all over again.

That night as she climbed into bed, she found sleep evasive, an unfamiliar feeling, at least as of late. Lying there wide awake, Lisa thought about Tangie and her advice to pray. Anything to ease her anxiousness. Lisa closed her eyes and began praying aloud.

"Lord, please give me clarity about this relationship. I know you know what's best for me. Please help me to be led by your Spirit and not by my own. Make it apparent to me, Lord so I can just find peace, once and for all. Amen." Not ten minutes later, Lisa felt herself getting sleepy and soon after, drifted off to sleep.