Willfully Blind

CHAPTER 23 Who's to Say?

Lisa sat outside the condo with her eyes shut, trying to calm down she engaged in the breathing exercise she used during meditation. She thought of all those silly keep calm slogans and chuckled. Keep calm and ruin your life having a baby with a man child. She pushed those thoughts from her mind and rolled her shoulders. Her neck was tight. She knew she just needed to relax, but with her continued stomach flips it was never going to happen.

"Come on, Tangie," she said aloud, glancing at the time on the navigation screen. The ten minutes felt like every bit of an hour. Lisa decided to pass the time by trying to come up with the passcode for Dirk's cell phone, which actually caused her to feel even more anxious, realizing that figuring it out would probably result in more distress, not knowing what she might stagger upon.

By the time Tangie pulled up, Lisa was in her own world and was startled when she looked up to find Tangie staring at her. Lisa jumped out of the car. Then realizing she would have to explain to her godly friend how she'd managed to get herself into such a predicament, she lingered back. "Thanks for coming on such short notice," she said, giving Tangie a hug.

"No problem. What's going on? You okay?"

Lisa could feel Tangie's eyes but avoided making contact.

"Girl, that remains to be seen. I'm just hoping I haven't gotten myself caught out there if you know what I mean," Lisa said, her eyes downcast. Grown woman or not, godly friend or not, under the circumstances she was embarrassed.

"Really? How late are you?" Tangie asked, without missing a beat. Lisa could sense no judgment in her friend's tone whatsoever. It was a small relief.

"I don't know, Tangie...maybe only a few weeks or so. With everything going on, I haven't really been in tune. I started throwing up earlier out of nowhere, and I've been unusually tired lately..."

"Um-hum. Think we should go pick up a pregnancy test?"

"Got one already." Lisa held up the CVS bag.

Lisa and Tangie walked towards the condo in silence. Lisa let Tangie in and keyed in the alarm code. Then carefully closing the door, she turned and locked eyes with Tangie's.

"Can I get you anything, Tang?"

"No, I'm fine." More silence.

"Lisa, I know you're probably terrified right now, and I can recall feeling the same way when I found myself in a similar situation, but trust me, stalling won't change the results. So, let's just get it over with." Lisa was a bit surprised by her confession, but really appreciated Tangie's openness. Then right back to her own situation, she grabbed the bag from the counter and headed towards the stairs.

"Let's go upstairs." Tangie nodded, following behind Lisa.

The entire process took less than ten minutes for Lisa to find out she was not with child. Her mood lifted immediately as evident by the cartwheel she produced right in the middle of the bedroom floor.

"Thank you, God!" Lisa clasped her hands together and looked up at the ceiling.

"That was intense, girl! You looked like a bewildered deer caught in headlights when I pulled up next to you. I knew it was something serious."

Tangie hung out for a bit longer, catching up with Lisa until they heard Dirk come through the door.

"I'm about to go. Call me tomorrow," Tangie whispered.

"Hey, Dirk," Tangie said, descending the stairs.

"Oh, hey girl! How's the fam? That baby still got you, and Jamie wrapped around her finger?" he asked, giving Tangie a hug.

"Well, her daddy at least. Anyway, let me get out of here, I just stopped by for a minute. I'll see you guys later."

"Don't rush out on my account, Tangie. Y'all can hang out. I got some work to catch up on anyway..."

"Oh no, really, I've got to get back to little Ms. High maintenance. She's probably giving Jamie the flux. Trust me; he is not used to dealing on that level."

With a wave, Tangie was gone, and Lisa's mood returned to reality as she considered what could have been a very different outcome. She knew for sure she needed to move on with her life and not allow emotions to keep her caught up in the absurdity she called a relationship.