Deaf [A One Direction Fanfic] -Amy's Adventures Book 1- #Wattys2014

Chapter 34

~Liam's POV~

I sit on the kitchen floor, waiting for Paul to come. I should be thinking about the man I saw, but I'm not. Actually, that's not what I'm worried about. There are still some things I never told my friends, things that I feel like they should know. Before I can change my mind, I look up at my friends, noticing that Zayn has joined them. Amy is standing beside him, and I look at Zayn.

"Could you... please get her... out of here? I... have something I... need to say that... I don't want... her to hear." I say, and Zayn disappears, taking Amy with him. Harry, Louis, and Niall stare at me as the sky outside is lit up by another flash of lightning. A loud crash of thunder sounds only a couple seconds later, but none of them move, not even Louis. Zayn returns not long after, shutting the kitchen door behind him and looking at me expectantly. I sigh quietly, closing my eyes.

"I said I... would be dead... if it wasn't for One... Direction, and that's true... in more ways than... one. I know Greg... would have tried to kill... me, but I probably... would have beaten... him to it." I begin, and the scene replays in my head.

I stare at the wall, looking at the object in my hands.

'You're not ready yet.'

'Not in my top three.'

'It's bad news.'

I worked so hard, and it was all for nothing. I wasn't good enough. And it feels like I let everyone down, even though no one cares what happens to me. No one cares, and that's why I'm tired of life.

I know I'm depressed, I have for a while, and I also know the orphanage won't pay for anything to help me. No one here would care if I left. So now I'm sitting on the bathroom floor, ready to end it all. I put the gun I stole from an older boy up to my head and pull the trigger, hearing a click, then nothing. The gun jammed. As my thoughts clear up, I think back to his words a little more carefully.

"Come back in a couple years."

Two years. That's what I'll give myself. I'll audition again in two years time, and if I don't achieve anything then I'll know I never will.

With that thought, I place the gun on the ground next to me and leave the bathroom, my promise to myself clear in my mind.

"I should be... dead, I would be if the... gun hadn't jammed. Now... I'm glad it did, because... I remembered Simon's... words to come... back, to try again. When I was... eliminated at boot camp two years later... I thought my life... was over, literally. Then... we were called back... and One Direction was... formed, and now... I'm here four years... later. I think I'm still... a bit depressed, but it hasn't... been serious since... bootcamp." I say, looking at nothing but still seeing all of my friends' reactions. Harry looks shocked, Louis looks worried, Zayn looks pale, and Niall looks like he's about to cry.

Correction, Niall is crying. I feel horrible, so I start to claw at my arm a bit, a habit I picked up at the orphanage, managed to drop, then started again when Niall was kidnapped. My fingernails dig into my arm and Zayn shakes his head, walking over to me and pulling my hand away from my arm and holding it tightly.

"Liam, stop hurting yourself." He says quietly, his eyes shining with tears. Zayn isn't a very emotional person, so seeing him so close to crying makes me feel even worse. "None of this is your fault. Whatever happens in life happens for a reason. Something good always comes from something bad. Think about it. Amy being deaf saved her life." Zayn continues, smiling a little.

"Some reasons may take a while to become clear, but they still do. If your parents hadn't died, you wouldn't have gone to that orphanage and met that one nice lady you told us about, and she wouldn't have told you to audition for the X-Factor." Harry says, catching on to whatever Zayn is doing.

"If Simon hadn't told you no when you were fourteen, you wouldn't have come back two years later and met us." Louis adds, putting his arm around Harry's shoulder.

"If they hadn't said no to all of us at bootcamp, One Direction wouldn't have existed." Niall smiles, his tears stopped but his cheeks still stained.

"And if you hadn't gotten that concussion on your birthday, you wouldn't have met your sister. If you hadn't stood up for Amy, Greg would still be in management plotting your death. Everything bad happened for a reason, it's just that some of the good things haven't happened yet." Zayn finishes, releasing my hand, which I let fall to my side.

"Everything happens for a reason. If you think something happened for no reason, it's because the reason hasn't become clear yet." Niall says, his smile growing back. I nod, and just for a moment I forget about everything bad that happened and think about all of the good things, and a small smile finds its way to my face. And then the kitchen door slams open.

~•~•~•~•~

"I don't... understand." I say, looking around the room. Paul took all of us straight to management, where Harry and Zayn told my story, since I couldn't do it without breaking down, and Niall told them about the man we saw during the storm. And somehow the topic was changed to therapy for me. And not speech therapy, either, which I could probably use.

"You've been through a lot, Liam. We feel like this is best for you." Matt, one of the only members of management I remember the name of, says.

"You admitted yourself you were suicidal." The nameless woman sitting next to him says. Whoever she is, I know I don't like her.

"I was suicidal! I... haven't been... suicidal since I was... sixteen! It's been... nearly five... years!" I exclaim, glaring at her.

"You had a complete mental breakdown, Liam." Matt says, silencing me. "Depression never truly leaves, and this is for the best." I shake my head, angry at these people who think they can control my life. "You have to do this, Liam." He adds, and that's when I hit my breaking point.

"You don't... decide what's best... for me! It's my... life, and I... can control it! You are... being just like... Greg!" I scream, and the entire room falls silent as I start to cry. "Everyone is... trying to control my... life, just like... he did. One day... I will break, and... you'll only... help because it... benefits you. Send me to your... therapist, I don't... care. I am... depressed, alright? I always... have been, and I... always will be." My words take even longer to come out because not only is my speech problem a factor, I'm also interrupted by my sobs. "I should be... dead, so many... people are trying... to kill me, so... why am I... still here?" I ask, hanging my head. "Am I so... worthless that I... can't even kill... myself? Am I too... selfish to stop... being a burden on... everyone else and... just end it?" I give up on my little speech and just cry, ignoring everyone else in the silent room. I have no idea where Amy is, where Paul and Simon are, where my best friends are. The only sounds in the room are my cries, but I don't care. I don't care that everyone thinks I'm insane. I don't care that I'm probably going to be shipped off to some mental institution so I can 'get better'. I don't care about anything. I just want it to end. I'm broken, and Greg is going to get exactly what he wanted.