Deaf [A One Direction Fanfic] -Amy's Adventures Book 1- #Wattys2014

Chapter 35

~Liam's POV~

I look at the door in front of me uncomfortably, trying not to turn and run. Niall and Zayn must sense my apprehension because they both put a hand on my shoulders, offering reassurance while also keeping me from bolting out of the area.

"Liam, you'll be fine. This will make you feel better." Harry says from behind me, quoting Matt and annoying me even more. Everyone keeps saying I'll 'get better' and this will 'make me feel better'. What they don't seem to understand is that nothing is wrong with me! So what, I was depressed as a teen, but a lot of people were. I had a panic attack, but you would too if you saw a creepy guy on your patio in the middle of a thunderstorm at midnight. I mean, seriously, that was a scary experience. I'm not 'unstable' or 'harmful to myself and those around me' or any of that other psychiatrist mumbo-jumbo. I'm me, and I got scared during a thunderstorm. This is a bit over the top, if you ask me, but of course no one did. So now I'm stuck at a therapist.

"Mr. Payne?" A woman asks, opening the door. I look down, avoiding her eyes, and nod. "Come in. Your friends are welcome as well, there is a waiting room they can stay in." She says, and I assume she walks away because Niall and Zayn give me a little shove forward. I walk into the office slowly, trying to draw out time, but I know it won't work. So before I know it I'm sitting in a room, alone with a woman I just met who wants to talk about my 'problems'.

"Hello, Liam." She says, breaking the silence. I nod again, not wanting to talk for as long as possible. "If you want this to work then you have to talk to me. I know how you feel, and we both have to try to make the best of it. Alright?" She asks, and I look up, meeting her eyes.

"Alright." I say quietly, and the woman smiles.

"My name is Dr. Werson, but please call me Maddi." She says, sticking a hand out. I take it and shake her hand, thinking about how similar her name is to Mandi's. "Okay, so tell me why you're here." Maddi begins, and I sigh in response.

"Everyone thinks... I have a 'problem'... since I was... depressed when I was... younger and I had a panic... attack a couple... days ago, but I don't... think I do." I say, and Maddi nods.

"Do you know why you had a panic attack?" She asks, and I nod in reply. "Why?"

"Have you... seen the news? About... Greg?" I ask, and Maddi nods. I sigh in relief. "Good, I... won't have to explain... that. Greg, he... he sent me... a letter, years... ago, that I never... found until right after... he kidnapped... Zayn. He said... that even after... he was dead... his friends would... come after me, and... the only one... associated with me... that was safe is my... little sister, because she's... 'innocent'. Then a couple... nights ago, there was a... thunderstorm and it knocked... out the power. I was... in the kitchen... and everyone else... was in the... living room, and our... kitchen has a floor-to-ceiling... window leading out... to the patio. Well there... was a flash of... lightning that lit... up the backyard and... there was a... man on the... patio, staring... at me and... grinning. The backyard... went dark... again and Niall... ran into the kitchen, and... the next time we... could see the yard... the man was hopping... the fence. The panic attack... started when I saw the... man, but I don't think... Niall noticed until... I started pretty... much losing my mind." I say, opening up way more than I thought I would to Maddi, who stays silent and just nods throughout my story.

"Liam, who recommended that you go to therapy?" Maddi asks when I've finished the story.

"Management." I say simply, and she sighs.

"I figured. I know this is uncomfortable, and you don't have to answer, but have you ever had suicidal thoughts?" She asks, and I look down again.

"I tried to... kill myself when I... was fourteen." I admit, not wanting to see Maddi's face. Disappointment, probably. "I feel like I'm... disappointing everyone... lately." I say without thinking.

"How so?" Maddi asks, ignoring my comment about my suicide attempt and focusing on what I said afterwards.

"My speech... problem, my panic attacks, just... everything. I never seem... to do anything right." I complain, thinking about Niall and Harry and Louis and Zayn.

"Liam..." Maddi says softly, putting her hand on my leg. "I hate to say it, but I think you are depressed." I'm honestly not surprised, so instead of protesting like Maddi probably expected, I just nod, giving in. "Stay here, I'm going to go talk to your friends for a second." She says, leaving the room. I don't more from my spot, just looking at my hands and wishing I could be anywhere but here at this moment. Why does all of this have to happen to me? What did I ever do wrong?

~Niall's POV~

After about fifteen minutes of waiting, the door of the room Liam went into opens and Liam's therapist walks out, a sad smile on her face. She turns and locks the door behind her, then she walks over and sits in the one empty chair in the room.

"My name is Maddi, by the way. And I feel like you'll be seeing a lot more of me." We all nod, waiting for her to say what we all know she will. "Liam is definitely depressed. I'm not sure how long he has been, but it could have been constant since he was a kid. There's a very good chance that he's been depressed the whole time, he just learned to put a mask on and fake being happy. I'm not certain how depressed he is, but he seems to blame himself for everything going on in your lives right now, so be careful what you say around him. Someone needs to be by his side at all times, especially if he's around anything he could potentially hurt himself with in a time of weakness. I know Liam won't hurt himself for no reason, unless he has a trigger, so be very careful around him. Okay?" She asks, waiting for the information to sink in.

"Okay." Harry says first.

"Okay." Zayn and I chime together.

"Okay." Louis says softly, looking at the door that has our depressed friend waiting behind it.

"You four should probably go talk to him, the session doesn't end for fifteen more minutes but I don't want to press Liam any farther today." We nod, standing, and Maddi reaches out, grabbing my arm and stopping me. "One more thing. Has Liam told you about his attempted suicide?" She asks, smiling when we nod. "It may not seem like it, but that's good, because he's opening up, not pushing himself away. The more he tells you about his past the more he's forgiving himself for it. Now go and talk to him like nothing is wrong, okay?" She asks again. This time we all just nod, opening the door and walking inside to see Liam sitting in a chair, staring at his lap.

"Hi guys." He says, not looking up.

"Liam, is there anything you want to talk about?" Zayn asks, sitting in one of the chairs scattered randomly around the room. Liam shakes his head, so we sit in silence. Not an awkward silence, a comfortable silence, each of us absorbed in our own thoughts. Although I'm pretty sure all five of us are thinking the same thing. Even the one everyone looks up to for help needs someone to look up to sometimes.