Second Life: A Second Chance

From the Lost Children (II)

I look around the courtyard's four faces at the right center of the large central dome building. To the far right, lies a glass room filled with plants, making up the east side of the courtyard. Parallel to the glass room on the west, exists an open wooden room with carts full of items throughout the interior and exterior of the wooden room, the food room. Looking away from both east and west walls and around the building's inner courtyard, I spot several people eating enjoyably in brown paper trays packed with fresh picked fruits, meat, and vegetables from the carts. Some of the people are even heating up their foods using a mini stone heating box found at the north of the courtyard. 

Looking back at the wooden table in front of me, I find myself sitting in between David and a female named MontClair alongside three others, all of whom are enjoyably consuming their self-made meals. All of us seated are merrily consuming freshly cooked pieces of meat alongside a large warm loaf of bread that is surrounded by all sides with brightly colored oranges at the center of the wooden table. Having just picked a small morsel of bread from the loaf, I prepare to stuff my mouth with the entire bread piece, just as I make eye contact with an apple grabbing Caemanor who sits one table away. We look at each other for nearly two seconds until he looks away, seeming rather irritated by my presence. I look away from Caemanor after he looked the other way, feeling slightly tormented by his grim stare. Even as time has past between the incident I still, without a doubt, feel disgusting for what I have done to him and yet, I still have not found the courage within me to apologize to him, even after three months. I am nervous, scared even. What will I even say to him? I hurt him. He was my friend until I took it upon myself to abuse him during his time of need. How disgusting can I be? 

But, even as I successfully avoid Caemanor's glaring eyes, I cannot help but look back at him as I am bothered by the redheaded vixen who sits right next to him, with her eyes heavily focused on him as his eyes are on her. This odd form of unexplainable anger within me has risen in emotion, so much so in fact, that I begin questioning who I should be angry at. Why should I be angry at the redheaded female beside Caemanor? She has done nothing wrong but, neither has Caemanor. Even so, the nerve of him to sit beside her with a wide grin on his face bothers me so. Wait, why am I even interested in who Caemanor sits with? By Ai'nala I am a poor bastard. I am supposed to be and technically am, attracted to David, not Caemanor. And yet, I cannot get my eyes off him even for a second as the shame of my prior actions begin engulfing my weak thoughts into one of sick perversion. 

What is wrong with me? 

Stop. Get a hold of yourself Kevin. 

Relax. 

Calming myself down, I stop staring at Caemanor's table, before quickly noticing that another male has joined the redhead's ever so growing group of lovers. Caemanor appears so infatuated with her, how disgusting, simply disgusting.