Those with Sparks in Their Eyes: A FMA(B) FanFic

Chapter Thirty Three: Fireworks

The next morning I woke up with a headache and sore eyes. The day was starting, so I forced myself to get up. I threw my legs over the side of the bed, looking at the photo of my family. I pressed my first two fingers to my lips, then pushed them on the photo.

"I love you guys." I say.

I tried moving through this monotone setting, getting dressed and brushing my hair while life seemed to go no where. It had been like this for months now. Once I get with other people, the feeling will subside, and I'll be ok. Happy, even. But once I get by myself again, the lonely takes over. It's like a beast, stalking me and waiting for the right time to strike me in my heart.

Throughout the day, I didn't see much of Ling, Lan Fan or even Renshu. I just sort of wrote letters, signed documents, and just felt lost. At this point, I would settle for Wen working beside me. The hours dragged on, the minutes seeming longer than usual. Which means the depression lasted longer, too.

Any person who passed me within the Palace just seemed to blur. I was in another world; the world of my nearly broken mind. No one knew how I felt, but they don't care. Regardless, I wouldn't want to tell them. It would only damage the already controversial subject of a woman having such a high rank of power, to say I'm upset about a guy.

I confided only to myself. Bottling the loneliness, guilt, and depression inside. I could hear the cracks in my soul becoming deeper. It's difficult in the physical plane as well. Between the headaches and the lack of sleep, it's only slowing me down and deteriorating me further.

Once the day was done, I found myself on the balcony of my room. From where I was, I could see the entire city. I put my hands out in front of me, touching my palms on the smooth stone railing. I loved the lanterns that lit up one by one all across the horizon. Some were released, ascending to heaven and taking their place with the stars.

The fire, as long as it burned, kept it up. One spark, that's all it took. Sometimes it feels like my flame is weakening, struggling to stay burning. Flickering in the wild winds of this crazy world I live in. Enough to stay above the Earth, but not enough to get lifted up with the twinkling lights in the sky.

I wasn't quite there, with the other lanterns; not as high up. Though I acted like everything is fine, even though my light was burning dimmer than the others. They just bought into it, carrying out their own busy flights. It sort of gets bounced around in the up drafts and down drafts of life, but never really finding a balance, or staying in one place for too long. But never breaking the cycle; at least not until the flame burns brighter again.

An emotional roller coaster, as I've said once or twice before. I've been on a few for a short while, but only giving me some brief motion sickness. This one is larger though. It has a few bumps on it, and the highest drop point I've ever been on. But once I got to the top, the highest I've ever been, the best point in my life, etc. it dropped.

Faster than the speed of light, as it seemed. It made me wish I would have taken more time to appreciate and savor the way up. But this is also life. And it's not the heartbreak that's hard; it's getting over the people you've lost that hurts the most.

"What are you doing out here?"

The voice behind me startles me, and I turn around to see Ling standing there.

"Li-I mean, your Highness!" I stutter and bow.

"Oh come on, Leah. You don't need to be all that formal when it's just us. You were my friend first." He tells me.

"Oh...umm...thanks. So, what brings to here? And more importantly, how did you get in here?" I ask.

"You left the door open."
I sigh. At least that much hasn't changed about him.
"It's been a while. I haven't seen you around all that much."