Be More Chill Textpost (Look At These I Crave Attention)

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And now, squip squad as vines
You're welcome you heathens

Jeremy: Hi, my name is failure and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.

Michael: Hi thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage.

Christine: Dear diary, today I lost my diary so I'm writing this on both my kung fu panda 2 dvds.

Rich: Hey would you like a (I have a lisp I can't just say rice krispies treats out loud) ... Blue bar?

Jake: I don't care about my haters. If you wanna hate me, then fight me.

Chloe: Um, I never went to oovoo javer.

Brooke: Why you mad? Why you sad? When you can be... Glade.

Jenna: and they were roommates! ... oh my god they were roommates.

Squip: I'm a bad binch you can't kill me.

Thalia: People say vegan food is gross *pours ice in a pan*

Heather: Road work ahead? Uh, yeah I sure hope it does.

Jared: Whaddup I'm Jared, I'm nineteen and I never learned how to read.

Bonus: Groups!

Heather and Jared:
Heather: Hurry up we're gonna be late for school!
Jared: Bruh, chill I don't know why you in a big time rush 

Rich and Jeremy:
Jeremy: *scares Rich*
Rich: staaahp I coulda dropped my croissant

Michael and Rich:
Rich: *throws frisbee across a highway*
Michael: What the HELL Richard?

Thalia and Chloe:
Chloe: I saw you hangin out with katelyn the other day
Thalia: r-rebecca it's not what you think
Chloe: I won't hesitate BINCH

Rich and Jake:
Rich: I thought you were bae.
Rich: Turns out you're just fam.
Jake: Bruh

Jenna and Heather:
Heather: It appears that your cancer is-
Jenna: Woah, I have cancer?
Heather: Woah, I interrupt people? Yes.

Squip and Jared:
Squip: All right, you need to buckle up and do your work or you'll end up at McDonald's.
Jared: we going to McDonald's if I don't do my work?
Squip: No

Brooke and Jake:
Brooke: Cinderella! Why do you want to go to the ball?
Jake: Because stepmother, ball is life. *dances off screen*

Jared and Michael:
Jared: Chris is that a weed?
Michael: No this is a crayon.
Jared: I'M CALLING THE POLICE

Rich and Jenna:
Jenna: You're being convicted of capital murder
Rich: What's next, lowercase murder?

Thalia and Heather:
Thalia: I finally finished my book about nutmeg!
Heather: Well it's about time.
Thalia: No Kevin, it's about nutmeg.

Jared and Rich:
I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate-