the outsiders oneshots BOOK 1

•SODAPOP•

my best friend's parents had died in a car wreck a few days ago and today was the day of the funeral. i'm thirteen and he is as well, his name is sodapop curtis and he has two brothers. this has hit them all very hard. hell, it hit me really hard.

at the funeral i sat away from my parents and in between soda and my other best friend, steve.

during the service i started crying silently, soda noticed. he put his arm around me and pulled me to him, i was practically laying in his lap. i could hear him sniffing, his nose was running because he was crying as well.

ponyboy who is about eight was crying into his older brother darry, who was trying his best not to cry, but failing. after the service i went home with soda, he asked me to and i didn't want to tell him no right now.

when we got home he pulled me into his bedroom and shut the door. his hand was still on the doorknob when he broke down. he started sobbing and he slipped down the wall to the ground. he sat with his legs out and he was propped up against the wall.

he kept saying,"i cant. i cant. i cant." and i knew exactly what he meant, i knew exactly how he felt. i grabbed his hand and held it to his chest so that he could feel his heart beat. i knew he didn't want to be here, he wanted to be with his parents. he wanted to be dead.

a few months ago when my sister died i felt the exact same way. everything had been numb them and nothing mattered. soda had told me last night that he wanted to die, he told me that his only thoughts lately were of how to kill himself. i had cried for hours when he told me that. he held me and cried with me.

"soda yes you can. you have to, you have to for pony and darry. for steve and me, soda. you have to be here," i said sitting on his upper legs and keeping his hand to his chest.

"i cant. nothing is real. this isn't happening. i cant," he cried over and over again. i grabbed his other hand and held it to my chest so that he could feel my heartbeat.

"soda you feel your heart beat? you feel
mine?" i asked softly, hoping he didn't see the tears that were pouring from my cheeks.

he nodded and let out another sob.

"it's real soda. your here, and it hurts, that's how you know your human, that's how you know that you love them," i said laying his hands on his lap and cupping his face in my hands,"listen to me sodapop. if you leave me,if you even try to leave me, i will never forgive you. never. neither will pony or darry, they need their brother now more than ever, soda, they need you. you can't leave them soda, you can't leave me. you have a purpose. i need you," i cried still holding his head gently.

he kissed me. this was my first kiss but it didn't seem like a big deal right now, i didn't know why he did this but he did. i should be freaking out right now, my biggest crush just kissed me, but it seemed unimportant right now. i still  kissed him back however. he pulled away, his eyes still full of tears.

"i'm sorry," he whispered looking away from me.

"it's okay soda, i know it was just a spite of the moment thing, it's okay. you didn't mean it." i said looking at the ground.

he looked back up at me and smiled a little bit,"i did mean it."

i looked up at him quickly,"you did?"

he nodded,"i meant it, because i love you. i don't know if i would still be alive these past few days of it wasn't for you. i love you so much."

my mouth was slightly open, but i caught myself and i shut it quickly. "i love you too soda," i said and then i kissed him again. "i love you so much," i mocked him.

i pulled away and laid my head on his chest, instead of talking about what we were talking about before we talked about how long we've like each other. the next few years i helped soda get through a lot and he made sure i knew how grateful he was just by loving me. sodapop is the best boyfriend i could ask for.