Close as Strangers. || Song Preference.

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Close as Strangers. || Song Preference.

Calum: "Another time zone taking me away from you. Living dreams and fluorescent lights while you and I are running out of time. But you know that I'll always wait for you." || I sit up and stretch as I am awoken by the buzzing of my phone from my beside table. I turn the screen on to see 2 missed calls and a text from Y/N. I read the text, curious as the what she had to say. 'Hi babe. Guessing you're asleep. Just wanted to say I miss you and call me when you get this.' She sent, on, y a few minutes ago. I smiled as I dialed in her number, waiting for a few rings before she picked up. "Hello?" She asked. "Hi babe." I said to her. "I tried calling but I wasn't sure if you were asleep or not." She explains. "I was." I reply, knowing I just confused her. "Its like the middle of the nignt here but I heard my phone and woke up." I inform her. "Oh gosh, did I wake you? I'm so sorry." She apologies to me. "No worries. I got to hear your voice so it was all worth it." I cheesily respond with. "This whole time zone thing sucks." She complains. "I just wish I could talk to you more and I want you to tell me how amazing it is to be living your dream." She adds. "I'm not quite living my dream." I mumble to her. "In which part are you not?" She asks once again confused. "The part where you're not with me." I whisper as I hear her 'aww' through the phone. "Calum?" She begins, sounding unsure wheter or not to continue. "Yeah?" I question. "You promise yoj wont get bored of waiting for me? Waiting for us and waiting untill we can be together again?" She finished, sounding defeated by her words. "Never. You know I'll always wait for you." I whisper to her. "Well I'm glad because I'm not going anywhere. "

Ashton: "On the phone; I can tell that you wanna move on. Through the tears, I can hear that I shouldn't have gone. Every day, gets harder to stay away from you." || "I miss you too." She hesitantly replies with a trace of desperston in her voice. I sigh as a silence carrys over the phone. "So how are you? You know, with touring and all." Her voices trembles as she speaks. "I'm good. Its been so amazing, seeing all the beautiful places and meeting all the beautiful-" I am cut short when I hear a faint whimper on the line. "Y/N?" I ask, my voice delicate as I wonder to the thought of her in sadness. She doesn't answer but I hear the quiet breaths rolling from her lips and the tears which are undoubtly rolling down her cheeks. "Please don't cry." I whisper to her in guilt. The hollowing ache in my chest worsens and I begin to feel the sadness she is encountering. "Its so hard to be away from you. It gets harder every day and I never stop thnking about you. I'm sorry I left... I had to." I say to her in hopes she will find some feeling of comfort from my voice. "When will I see you again, Ashton? 6 days, 6 weeks... 6 months?" She cries and I wish nothing more than to be able to take the pain away. "Soon. I dont know yet but if you wait for me, I'll come right back to you. Just hold on to me, ok? I won't leave you."

Luke: "I won't give up even though it hurts so much. Every night, I'm losing you in a thousand faces. Now it feels we're as close as strangers." ||I lie down on my bed, alone in the hotel room whilst Luke is on stage performing to thousands. I stare up at the ceiling as endless thoughts drift through my mind. The tiredness from the sleepless nights causing me to lie in bed and replay moments in my head; all the times I have made a mistake, all the insecurites I have and all the heartbreak and depression which I have bottled up inside of me. I'm beyond the point of exhausted though no mater how much I want to, I cannot fall asleep. My insecurites get the better of me once again and I find myself doubting my self-worth. I count all the mistakes I have made and fool myself into believing I am them. And as for the rest, the depression floods through me, drowing myself in every thought. The fear of being unloved and the wicked lies I tell myself all making me belive that Luke doesn't love me. The picture in my head where I'm standing amongst the thousands of his fans, slowly fading quicker and quicker until he's lost sight of me and I crumble. I crumble and all the bad I have sheltered myself from returns to me and without Luke, I am too weak to stop it all from hurting me. The fear that Luke will see me the way I see myself and all the pain I have felt before will come back to me and I will be alone. That is the fear lurking on my every thought. That is why I've had sleepless nights.

Michael: "Are we wasting time talking on a broken line? Telling you I haven't seen your face in ages, I feel like we're as close as strangers. I won't give up even though it hurts so much." || I feel hopless as I talk to Michael on the phone, like with everything we say we're hiding something that needs to be said. Almost like the conversation has faded and the line has broken when really we just don't know what to say and instead, a heavy silence passes by. "Its been so long since I saw you last." I speak up, hoping to get somewhere with this. "Yeah. When was it I saw you last? February? March?" He asks to which I reply with: "Sometime around then." He mumbles a vauge 'mhhmm' in reply before the dreaded silence returns. I sigh as the painful truth kicks in. It seems like we know longer know each other. 'Just strangers who once fell in love' sums up how I feel I stand with him. As hopeless as this is, I dont want to stop talking to him, scared that the little of a relationship we have left would have of compeltely vanished and we'll be left with nothing to say. I begin to speak at the same time he does, and the awkwardness fiys in perfectly. "Sorry, go on." He apologies. "No its fine, you go first." I insist, waiting till after he talks to tell him that I miss him. "I was just gonna say we should probably go now..." He begins and I swear I feel my heart break in my chest. "I don't mean it in a rude way, just we're both probably busy and it late over there." He tries to explain. "Of course. Totally understand." I lie as I quickly hang up before sobs erupt from my mouth. I dont know whats more painful. The fact that he didnt put in the effort to talk to me or the fact that he lied to me and we both knew it. 'Its late over there.' He said, full aware that I had just woken up, a pathetic excuse to stop talking to me. As I continue to cry, the only question I seem to ask myself is 'are we wasting time?', and again and again, all I can seem to answer myself with is 'yes'.

HAPPY FOURTH ANIVERSARY ONE DIRECTION. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND YOU HAVE MADE ME SMILE SO MUCH, YOU HAVE MADE ME HAPPY AND YOU HAVE HELPED ME TO LOVE MYSELF AND TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL. I AM SO PROUD OF ALL YOU HAVE ACHIEVED AND YOU NEVER LET ME DOWN AND YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME AND I JUST LOVE YOU WITH ALL I HAVE AND I KNOW IM NOT MUCH BUT I CAN LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU JUST MAKE ME FEEL OK ABOUT THINGS AND LIKE IM GOING TO BE OK AND I THANK GOD ALL THE TIME FOR YOU AND I PRAY THAT HE BLESSES YOH BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME, AND THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE FOR ME WHEN IT FEELS LIKE NO ONE ELSE IS. HERE'S TO LOUIS, ZAYN, LIAM, NIALL AND HARRY. I LOVE YOU .X

♡♡♡♡♡♡ AND GOD FOR PUTTING THEM IN OUR LIFE. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

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