Synonym

Chapter 29

The next night I had Jason come over after Finn left for practice. I couldn't participate until we got back from Thanksgiving.

The two of us had been good since we got over our fight and I was starting to feel slightly better, but I still felt guilty. I think I will always feel that way, but it would just have to fade with time.

When there was a knock at the door, I opened it to let Jason in. He had a sad smile on his face as he walked into the apartment. "I'm glad you're okay." He said while taking off his black wool coat and hanging it on the coat rack at the doorway. I closed the wooden door to the apartment and glanced at Jason who looked slightly awkward.

Obviously, I called him out on it. "You're always so awkward. You know you can give me a hug, right?" Jason laughed and didn't hesitate to wrap me in his muscular arms. My face was buried in his chest when he spoke, sending vibrations into my skin. Jason smelled like clean soap, it was refreshing.

"I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life then when I saw all that blood." He mumble before releasing me.

"Come on. Let's sit down." I gestured to one of the couches and we both relaxed onto the leather. Jason sat forwards with his torso turned to face me while I sat with my legs crossed, leaning my back against the arm.

"I know we don't really get sentimental, but I think of you as one of my best friends and I was deathly afraid to lose you." Jason said sincerely. This was the first time he had ever said anything that kind and heartfelt.

I couldn't help but smile. "Aww Jason. I love you too." He gave me a small smile before jumping back into the story.

"I think it was even worse when you told me you were pregnant. I knew that there was a good chance you and that baby weren't going to make it. I'm sorry for your loss, by the way. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Jason muttered thoughtfully. Had I had my head screwed on straight in that moment, I probably would have realized that too. But, I was to busy screaming in agony and trying not to pass out.

Obviously, I wasn't that successful.

I had had experience with traumatic injuries, but even my rape couldn't have prepared me to lose one third of my blood in the middle of a grocery store. It was all so sudden, like someone had just shot me in the uterus. The only reason that that wasn't the scariest moment of my life, is because I didn't have time to be scared. During my rape, I had plenty of time to be scared and contemplate how I was going to die. Plus the pain went on for a lot longer. Suffocation is by far one of the worst ways to go.

When I was bleeding out, I didn't even have time to process it. I was just light headed and in pain for a few seconds before I passed out. It would have been an otherwise peaceful death.

"We can talk about it. I think I've slowly and begrudgingly come to realize that talking only helps." I said calmly. It was true. While talking wasn't fun in the moment, it usually helped you resolve your issues when another person could support you or weight in with their opinion.

"I couldn't believe you were three months pregnant and I hadn't even noticed." Jason said in awe at how that fact had evaded him.

"We didn't find out until I was 9 weeks." I said sadly. Those three weeks were bliss. It was like we were finally becoming a family. Like it was fate. Not that I really believed in fate. After my miscarriage, I defiantly didn't.

"Is that where you two were at your 'family emergency'? At the doctor?" Jason asked with furrowed brows.

"Yeah. And that day I got hit, Finn and I got into an argument. That's why we were late. He didn't want me to play anymore after I took those two big hits. I said the doctor said that it was fine but we agreed to disagree for the time being. I was just supposed to be more careful. Guess it doesn't matter now." I muttered at the end. I suppose it was just wasted energy.